tories
to 1509tories
to 1509
Disturbing Epidemic Hits England Like a Thunderclap
Enlightened
Educators Entice Errant Apprentice to Abandon Art
"Scurrilous scribblings" Scare Staff
All Goodly Sports
Prince Henry's early attempts at song
GADS!
Doctors Sick Over Calls to Better Use the New
Technology
The Plague--Are The Cures Worse?
Inquiring Minds Want to Know
Golf
The Ancient and Healthful Exercise
Tudor Tragedy!!
Arthur, Prince of Wales is Dead
Prince Marries Catherine of Aragon
Tower Terror!!
Ghostly Goings On at The Tower of London
Is Your Music Making You Sick?
Health News You Can Really Use
Palace Announces Assault Weapons Buyback Plan
New Plan draws fire from Lord Benecol
Who Wants to Marry a Prince?
"I Do!", says Catherine of Aragon
What to Say Should the Plague
Victim Survive
News to Excuse You
Tips for Buying that New Horse
Still more news you can use
Apocalypse at the Present Time
Shocking woodcut banned from the pages of the Tudor Times
What
Was Life Like Back in 500 A.D.?
As we approach Y1.5K, we
wonder about the
way we were
Vive Le Roi! It's a Boy!
Palace Post Partum News
Know your rights in a palace guard
encounter
Read this now, thank us later
In a world lit mostly by fire, protect
yourself from Secondhand Smoke
More Health News you can use
Exclusive!! Wedding Coverage!!
Plague-Proof Yourself and Your Family
News You Can Use
Is Chivalry Dead? (A Parody)
A Parody of Time Magazine
Bosworth Bombshell!!
Yorkists defeated, Henry Tudor Proclaimed King
On August 22, 1485, a showdown match between the
stalwart Yorkist supporters and the rough and ready Lancastrians was arranged.
Our plucky, but chronically late, Times correspondent arrived nearly three hours
after the announced start of the battle. She reports stumbling over what may
have been a crown in some gorse bushes (getting a very nasty scratch, we might
add). Before she left to fill out papers for a Purple Heart, (those gorse bushes
can be brutal) she filed this story:
By most accounts, the battle lasted for two hours, thereby putting a swift end
to the War of the Roses. The Lancastrians, under the leadership of Henry Tudor,
defeated Richard III. Richard fought hard to the end, dying during the
battle, which was waged on and around Ambion Hill.
In yet another exclusive to the Times interview, we captured Henry Tudor's
remarks at the end of the Battle of Bosworth. Dubbed the
"I'll-have-a-Queen-speech," the excited utterances of the victorious
Tudor went something like this:
"We started at Milford Haven, now we're leaving Leicester, and we're going
on to Yorkshire, we're going to marry Elizabeth of York, and then we're going to
London to take back the Palace!!!!
"Yeeeeeeeearrrrrrhhhhh!"
Get the real story:
Please visit Tudor Times Bookstore It is functional again!
On the Web:
R3 Society
Battle of Bosworth http://www.pomian.demon.co.uk/bosworth.htm
Filed this 21st day of August, 2004 to commemorate the 519th anniversary of
the start of the Tudor times and the 6th anniversary of the Tudor Times. Posted
September 16th
Disturbing Epidemic Hits England Like a Thunderclap
William Bullein, our favorite physician, called it "an evill
most noisome to nature cousin germane to the incurable Leprosie." Of
course, we are speaking of syphilis, otherwise known as "the Frenche Pockes."
While some may debate the source of this loathsome disease, for many, the origin
is clear: the indiscriminate overindulgence of one's baser appetites.
Martin Luther, speaking through a publicist said: "Through special enemies
of our faith the Devil has sent some whores here to ruin our poor young men...
(whores) are dreadful, shabby, stinking, loathsome and syphilitic, as daily
experience unfortunately demonstrates." Naturally, Luther doesn't mean that
he's actually having daily experience-get your mind out of the gutter.
While the clergy, reformed or otherwise, and many learned physicians see
debauchery as the cause for this condition, some doctors refuse to see sex and
sin as the culprit, and instead blame the stars, miasmas and various
other causes. "All we are saying is, 'Give condoms a chance.' Put it on
before you put it in," said one doctor, who wisely asked not to be
identified. This doctor emphatically denied that he has any financial interest
in sheepskin, snakeskin, or any other animal intestinal material often used in
the production of these devices.
Bullein hoped that God would allow him to continue to "cleanse the filthy
stinking corrupted boddies of his disobedient children, which have lived in most
shameless lust & lechery, among painted stinking harlots, for which offence
they be smitten with the plague, called the Frenche pockes."
Treatment is at hand. Bullein reports that guiacum is one remedy. "This
guiacum I say will not only make a pockie body clean, but also is good to
cleanse any of the principal humours, when they do abound," he told us.
Bullein also includes the herb 'Heart's Ease' in his arsenal against the pockes.
Dr. Nicholas Culpeper recommends the herb 'Heart's Ease' against this vile
disease as well. "This is that herb which such physicians as are licensed
to blaspheme by authority, without danger of having their tongues burned through
with an hot iron, called an herb of the Trinity. It is also called by those that
are more moderate, Three Faces in a Hood, Live in Idleness, Cull me to you; and
in Sussex we call them Pancies. The herb is really saturnine, something cold,
viscous, and slimy. A strong decoction of the herbs and flowers (if you will,
you may make it into syrup) is an excellent cure for the French pox, the herb
being a gallant antivenereal: and that antivenereals are the best cure for that
disease, far better and safer than to torment them with the flux, divers foreign
physicians have confessed," he told us in a written statement.
Get the Rest of the Story:
And of course, our sources of inspiration:
The
Detroit News
The
Free Press
My
favorite article on the subject
A
modern conservative viewpoint on the AIDS epidemic, wherein the phrase
"Zero grazing outside of your own field" makes its debut.
Also on the Web:
Learn more about guiacum
Support
on the Web for syphilis established in England pre 1492
Enlightened Educators Entice Errant
Apprentice to Abandon Art
"Scurrilous scribblings" Scare Staff
What's an enlightened educator to do? Seems like today's students "pay
attention to everything except the teacher." Consider the example of young Leonardo
DaVinci, son of Ser Piero, a notary, and a peasant woman. Raised mainly by his grandparents, this kid is a real handful.
An art teacher sent home this note home to DaVinci's beleaguered grandmother: "Leonardo is drawing landscapes as if they could be real. Nobody does it in
this way. Also, he leaves many pictures unfinished. Please speak to him."
Undoubtedly, these behavior problems stem from the fact that this child's parents never married. "It's really too bad. He might have followed in his
father's professional footsteps had his illegitimacy not disqualified him from membership in the notary's guild," said one unnamed, but very reliable,
source.
His grandmother is worried about Leonardo's future employment prospects. "It's not just these pictures," she said. "If I let him, he'll lie in bed for
hours, just daydreaming. What kind of a job will that get him?"
Many of Leonardo's instructors have noticed the "scurrilous scribblings" of this insubordinate student. "The worst thing of all, is, he's constantly staring out the window watching birds in flight and drawing pictures of what he calls 'flying machines'. Once, I caught him trying to turn a circle into a square. It's just preposterous," says his exasperated science tutor. "I can't do anything with him. Can't you give him something to make him pay attention to me?"
His frustrated writing instructor notes, "Yes, during journal time, I've observed that the little scamp writes from right to left, like he's looking in a mirror. Sure, he can write normally, from left to right, but he seems to "mirror write" whenever he wants to keep things a secret. It's maddening."
"He asks a million questions every day. The kid never shuts up, and he never sits still. He's really difficult to teach," adds his math tutor.
We tried to catch up with Leonardo, but were unsuccessful in securing an interview. Speaking through his rarely used publicist, he issued this statement: "Iron rusts from disuse; stagnant water loses its purity and in cold weather becomes frozen; even so does inaction sap the vigor of the mind."
Get the Real Story:
How to think like Leonardo DaVinci
Website:
http://www.kausal.com/leonardo/index.shtml
Just surfed on in? Followed a link from somewhere? Click to visit The Tudor Times. "If you enjoy the fun, fashion and frolic of the English Renaissance, then you should be heading to this website."
Now that mourning for his brother Arthur has ended, Prince Henry is back to cutting his usual (ahem) gay figure around court. As you may know, the prince is exceedingly fond of "Goodly Sports"- hunt, song and dance. He has taken credit for many musical pieces, such as "Pastime with Good Company", "Helas Madame," "Lusty Youth should us ensue," and many, many more. All of the Prince's songs were not great successes, nor is the Prince meeting with much success with the ladies, as this newly discovered song shows.
No Particular Place To Go
Or, “I held a grutch for the chastity belt that wouldn’t
budch”
As sung by Henry Tudor, Heir Apparent to the Throne
to the tune of (what else?) "No Particular Place to Go." Sorry, no
midi available at press time.
Riding along in my commonweal
I's anxious to tell her the way I feel
So I told her softly and sincere
and she leaned and whispered in my ear
cuddlin' more and ridin' slow
with no particular place to go
No particular place to go
We stopped aside a grassy knoll
The night was young and the moon was full
In the hay we decided to take a roll
Can you imagine the way that I felt?
I couldn't unfasten her chastity belt!
Riding along on my appaloose
Still trying to pry that belt a-loose
All the way home I held a grudge
for the chastity belt that wouldn't budge
Crusin' and playing a lute solo
with no particular place to go
"That boy is just not right," sighed his father, Henry VII, upon hearing the above ditty. "Thank merciful heaven that my wife, Elizabeth, is with child again. Please God, let it be a better boy than this one," the King prayed fervently. "I'll tell that young wastrel where to go then! Some say that youth ruleth Henry, junior. Bigod, if I can get a better son, he shall rule England, not Henry!"
The Sport of Love Includes Pastime with Good Company for 3 voices.
Calliope Dances-A Renaissance Revel Includes Taundernaken for Diverse Instruments
Playing with Fire Includes another version of Taundernaken
Renaissance Music at Princely Courts of Europe
Jubilate: Music for the Kings and Queens of England
Court Jesters: Tudor Minstrel MusicI just may order this myself--Wolsey's Wild, The Night Watch for viol consort, My Lady Carey's Dompe, Arthur's Dump and many, many more.
Music from the Reign of Henry VIII
The French Ambassadors, Music based on Holbein's 'The Ambassadors' Now, here is an interesting bit of creative marketing for Renaissance Song.
Radio Stations on the Web:
Mists of Avalon. What a lovely Sunday morning brunch. From 11a to 1p, Eastern Standard Time, listen to wonderful music from the Tudor times and beyond. Celtic, Medieval and Renaissance tunes are played during these two hours. Miss the show? Find archives here. Mists of Avalon host, Walt Haake, actually admits to visiting us here at the Tudor Times. Well, there's no accounting for tastes.
Also visit Detroit's new Classical Music home.
Doctors Sick Over Calls to Better Use the New Technology
Ye GADS, or “Gutenberg Assisted Doctor’s Scripts,” has plenty of physicians feeling more than a little sick. If implemented, GADS would require doctors to use typeset pages instead of handwritten missives in order to record their instructions. This includes patient instructions, as well as directives to apothecaries.
Most of the docs don’t like the new proposal. “We just went through your silly Y1.5K nonsense, now you want us to implement this twaddle,” groused one physician. “We aren’t made of money, you know.”
Yes, CPOE, or Computerized Physicians Order Entry, was the inspiration for this. “Coping with CPOE” was published in Health Care Weekly Review.
Books:
The Gutenberg Elegies : The Fate of Reading in an Electronic Age
New for 02!
The Gutenberg Revolution by John Man
The Plague--Are The Cures Worse?
Even more health news you can really use
Hot pokers, live chickens, cooked onions? Sounds like a preparation for a feast. Nope. These are some of the top cures for the plague, recently found by our hardy health reporters. Most intriguing was the practice of pressing a live chicken into the plague sores until the bird dies.
"All I'm asking is, can you eat that chicken afterwards?," asked one unnamed, but very credible, source. "Sure, you might survive the plague, but with using chickens, onions, figs, treacle and other foodstuffs for a cure, what about famine, huh? Survive that," continued the unidentified, but very credible source, who spoke to the Times sometime this week.
Fears of another deadly outbreak have people rushing to stockpile onions and treacle--long held to be a good cure for the horrid black sores. This is severely decreasing the supply of onions available to those who need them for a food source. "It's been a poor onion harvest this year," laments one farmer. It seems that we are being misled about the supplies on hand of onions. Palace sources have maintained that there are sufficient supplies on hand, poor harvest or no.
There is an early warning system for the plague. Our plucky Tudor Times Health Editor has found evidence that earlier physicians have noticing the appearance of staggering rats prior to a plague outbreak. "They stagger about, as if drunk," this well informed source said. "So, it would be prudent practice to always keep a number of rats close by, so that they can be observed."
Get the Real Story:
Website:
Discourses of the Plague in London -- Prominent mention of the "onetime rector of Blaxhall in Suffolk, former Marian refugee, and kinsman to Anne Boleyn" -- yes, William Bullein.
| Golf is a Royal
and Ancient sport. Roman emperors played a relaxing game called
paganica, using a
bent stick to drive a soft, feather-stuffed ball. The Scots refined the Roman
game by hitting a pebble around a course of sand dunes, rabbit runs and
tracks using a stick or ancient club. A royal decree of 1363
required all Englishmen to practice only archery on Sundays and holidays. From
1330 to 1414, English kings banned all other sports because they diverted time
from archery Golf was becoming popular in the middle ages, and the game was
banned in 1457 by King James II of Scotland who felt it was distracting young
men from their archery practice. People largely ignored the prohibition.
Succeeding monarchs repeated this injunction until James IV "threw in the
towel" and became a golfer himself in 1502.
|
The Time Line: 1457 Golf forbidden by Act of Scottish Parliament (James II).
|
For More on Golf, visit "A history of Golf since 1497", Not really sure why they have a picture of Mary Tudor when they meant Mary, Queen of Scots, but, hey, everyone isn't as steeped in this stuffe as I obviously am.
Arthur Tudor--
Birth 20 SEP 1486, St. Swithin's, Priory, Winchester, England
Death 2 APR 1502, Ludlow Castle
It was the stuff of fairy tales. Well, at least the stuff of stories without gory parts, like the tales from those ghastly Grimm brothers. Right then, It was the stuff of nice fairy tales—a young Spanish Princess and a handsome English Prince, off to live in a damp, smelly castle with no decent plumbing, to say nothing of proper heating. Scores of people watched their wedding day, hoping the "happily ever after" magic would last. But, like a scarf slipping asunder under a sorcerer’s sleight-of-hand, the happiness has vanished.
Arthur Tudor, Prince of Wales, is dead. And the world mourns.
"Who?", was the word our New World correspondent most frequently heard from members of the Aztec tribe. Well, alright, maybe the word was
"Quién".
Right, then, all of England mourns. The whole country is reeling in sadness and shock as news of the death of young Arthur Tudor reached every village and town. With the older son, and heir apparent snatched from us, tragically, and at too young an age, all eyes turn toward the younger Tudor brother for guidance and solace in this most terrible time.
"Hey, I’m unconcerned by it all. I’m in charge now", said Arthur’s brother, Henry, Duke of Somerset. He was between matches, when we caught up with him on the tennis court.
"Do you see what I have to put up with? This boy is just not right", sobbed the grieving King and father, Henry VII. "Why is Arthur dead, and I’m left with this one? What stay had I but Arthur, and he’s gone…So dear a loss", continued the melancholy monarch.
Pulling himself together, the elder Tudor thundered, "Listen, junior, I’m still the King here, do I make myself clear? At best, you may hope to succeed me, but not if I can get a better son than you, bigod! Now, put that tennis racket down, and start doing something useful for a change. Help me decide what to do in regard to Arthur’s widow, Catherine of Aragon. I’m not about to give back her dowry."
Stay Tuned.
Get the Real Story:
Birth, Marriage and Death in Tudor and Stewart England
Visit the Tudor Times Bookstore for many more titles on this most fascinating period of history. The bookstore includes books, music and videos.
Our ongoing look at those Terrific Tudors. We start with young Prince Harry.
Prince Henry Tudor, Duke of Cornwall, Lord Lieutenant of Ireland, Warden of the Scottish Marches, Knight of the Garter, & etc., etc., was born on 28 June 1491 at Greenwich Palace. Sources lost to us report that the birth was assisted by liberal applications of sheep lard, and that the prince sucked his first twelve nurses dry. Henry was christened by the Bishop of Exeter, Richard Foxe, at the nearby church of the Observant Franciscans, using a font specially imported from Canterbury Cathedral. The Times wonders, how much did that cost the taxpayers?
Those close to the Royal Family describe the lad as “a healthy, red-headed, strong-limbed boy”. This is a polite way of saying, “He is a blubber butt.” Erasmus has said that young Harry, has “…something of royalty in his demeanour, in which there is a certain dignity combined with singular courtesy.”
Prince Harry is taught history by Bernard Andre. His French instructor is Giles D’Ewes. Mathematics, geometry, and astronomy are taught by Thomas More. But it is his spelling tutor John Skelton who has much to answer for. “…I gave him to drink of the sugared well,” Skelton has boasted in a written statement. No darn wonder the kid is overweight. Too much sugar isn’t good for you, you know.
Harry, in a valiant effort to work off those extra sugar calories, is a keen sportsman and prefers pastimes with good company. He especially enjoys tennis, hunting, song and dance. And, this second son is no second fiddle when it comes to music and dance. Guests at the wedding of Prince Arthur and Princess Catherine of Aragon were said to be delighted to watch the lad “..throw off his coat so as to be better able to lead the festivities.”
Lord Wakeup called on the media to continue to allow Harry junior a private life free from harassment. “Besides, we only tell the chroniclers what we want written down, anyway”, he noted.
Eric ap Pendage ap Olygyst, director of the Palace Information Center, agreed with Wakeup. The Palace Publicist added that Lord Wakeup's remarks "underline the importance of personal privacy for all young people - but at the same time recognises the special position of Prince Harry and the legitimate public interest in him."
Asked whether the protection of the Prince's privacy would include occasions when he might be seen with women in semi-public areas such as walled gardens, Lord Wakeup said: "Each case will have to be judged on its own. We have had stories of him having trysts when he has never even met the girls."
The King expressed his incredulity, “Why do you want to write about him, anyway? That boy is just not right.”
Because Tudor Trivia sells, we say. Here’s the skinny on Harry, Jr.
Royal Status: Second in line to the British throne, behind his drop dead gorgeous older brother, it's unlikely that Harry will be king one day. His darling brother, Arthur, now married to Catherine of Aragon, is sure to have children. “Last night I was in Spain”, bragged the charming Prince Arthur the morning after his wedding. Well, of course he didn’t sail to Spain and back in one evening, you ninny. Ask someone old to explain this to you. When Arthur and Catherine do have children, all of them will outrank Harry. It is expected that Prince Harry will always live in the shadow of his older brother. This is called “primogeniture”, deal with it.
Romantic Status: There is little to report on this front, at the moment, for several reasons, aside from his royal fatness. First, he's still very young. Second, most of the attention has been focused on his older brother. Thirdly, as his father, Henry VII is fond of saying, “The boy is just not right.” Well, perhaps we’ll start hearing about Harry's romantic interests once he's in university. “I doubt it”, said the Tudor Top dog. “I leaked those phony tryst stories myself, just to make him seem more like a normal lad.”
Get the Real Story
Press Censorship in Elizabethan England
Prince Marries Catherine of Aragon
After
long months of negotiations, Arthur Tudor, Prince of Wales, son of the Henry VII and
Elizabeth of York has "tied the knot". The lucky lady is Catherine of Aragon,
daughter of Ferdinand and Isabella of Spain. The couple were wed on November 14. The
marriage of England’s most eligible bachelor sparked the first ever realm-wide
contest event, "Who Wants to Marry A Prince",
which the Times exclusively covered several quarters ago.
Savvy observers see this alliance as yet another Tudor tactical maneuver. "Well, what do you think marriages are for, you ninny? Love? Ha!", was the official Palace statement to our scrappy reporter on the royal beat.
No information is available at this time regarding the honeymoon destination.
In sharp contrast to his urbane elder brother, pudgy Harry junior shows little hope of ever arranging such a fortunate match.
Standing before a sell out crowd of gentry at the Bull Inn recently, Britain's favorite (read "only") younger son Prince Henry professed amazement at the kiss-kiss, love-ya-babe proceedings. "I am not used to these sorts of affairs," he said stiffly. The festive event was organized by the Palace to honor visiting foreign dignitaries on the eve of the nuptials of his brother, Prince Arthur, to the lovely Catherine of Aragon. "Meseems this pastime most unseemly," Hank the younger continued. "Yet, there is something to be said for good company. I only grutch those who lust, but can’t deny if it pleases God, then, thus live will I."
Henry, it should be noted, is…well, a little less catholic in his tastes than Catholic. Already hard at work on his post graduate research paper, he intends to "Defend the Faith" to the fullest measure. What an old fuddy-duddy he is. What a relief he isn’t going to be King.
"That boy is just not right," agreed his pater, namesake, and King, Henry VII. "Needs to get out more. Thank God for Arthur."
Stay Tuned.
Get the Real Story:
Birth, Marriage and Death in Tudor and Stewart England
This Just In: New Reenactment Group Forms
"The fifth to ninth centuries were some of the most turbulent of British history. This was the time when England was born, the time King Arthur, Redwald of Sutton Hoo, the Viking Invasions, and who could forget, Beowulf? The aim is to recreate, as authentically as possible, the richness of the birth of a nation which has passed into legend and into lore," the Times was told in a written statement for the press by the reenactment group "Angelcynn".
Back to TopWilliam, Duke of Normandy, dubbed "William the Conqueror", by his publicist, is credited with beginning the building of the Tower fortress upon the site of an old Roman fort, on the banks of the Thames River. |
|
The Tower of London
is difficult to get into (for most people), and very difficult to get out of. Perhaps that
explains the ghostly goings on of late, at "Traitor’s Gate", and in other
areas of the Tower. Doors open and close without reason, and the figure of a monk in a
brown robe has been seen. Ghostly footsteps, including what one writer describes as
"the curious slap of monastic sandals" are sometimes heard. Many sightings of
ghostly apparitions have been spotted in rooms. Piercing screams and crying have been
heard all over the Tower. Cold winds have been felt blowing in with all the windows locked
tight.
The Traitors' Gate was the watergate entrance for prisoners condemned
after trial at Westminster. Dating from 1240, Henry III enlarged the fortress by building
extra defense works. When the work was nearing completion on St George's day 1240, there
was a great storm. The flooding caused the foundation to be undermined, resulting in the
Tower gate collapsing. When the identical circumstances were repeated a year later, an
inquiry revealed that a priest claimed to have seen the ghost of Sir Thomas Becket
striking the walls with a crucifix. He said that the ghost was proclaiming that the new
building was not for the common good, but "for the injury and prejudice of the
Londoners, my brethren". Becket was a Londoner and had been Constable of the Tower
before becoming Archbishop of Canterbury in 1162. His spirit was seen by, "a certain
priest, a wise and holy man", and who would doubt that? It was said Becket returned
to demolish the extension walls, which were upsetting people who lived near the Tower. The
priest saw the apparition strike the walls with a cross, whereupon they fell as if hit by
an earthquake.
Another story has it that a guard patrolling the grounds around the Tower and the Tower Hill was startled to see a group of men slowly walking towards him. The strange group carried a stretcher, and on the stretcher lay a headless body with the severed head lying between it’s arms. The guard’s detailed report was investigated very thoroughly, and it was discovered that uniforms worn by the ghostly figures were that of the Sheriff’s men in the last century, men who’s job it was to bring the corpse back for burial from the Tower Hill.
The "White Tower" has a ghost of it’s own as well. High on the roof in 1234 Gruffydd, Prince of Wales, tried to escape by lowering himself down the walls with a rope. The rope broke, plunging him to an immediate death. Gruffydd was found the next morning, his head and neck crushed between his shoulder blades. Eerie moans and wails have since been heard on certain nights.
Recently, there have been mysterious sightings of two little boys walking hand in hand, clad in white nightgowns. The lads appear around the "Garden Tower", also known as the "Bloody Tower". Many say these youngsters are the sons of Edward IV, the so-called "princes in the Tower". Are they really dead? If they are alive, why then……
At this point, the fifth editor of the Tudor Times was removed to view the inner workings of the Tower, firsthand.
Get the Real Story: The Tower of London (Video) Or visit these websites: Her Majesty’s Prison Service serves the public by keeping in custody those committed by the courts. Their duty is to look after the prisoners with humanity and help them lead law-abiding and useful lives in custody and after release. http://www.afallon.com/pages/whiterabbit1.htmlhttp://www.haunted-isles.co.uk/
http://www.tower-of-london.com/ghost/ghost.html
Back to Top
"It’s
Momma’s baby, but Papa’s, maybe", goes an old saying. If you are one of the
4 in 100 women who will be giving birth to an out-of-wedlock child this year, you will
want to know what to expect from your healthcare provider, and from your employer
regarding family leave policies.
You will be expected to leave your employer. Mostly this is done on foot, traveling to the next village, where you can make up a convenient excuse to explain the father’s absence. Death of the man is always a good one, and you may gain sympathy in the bargain. Try to come up with an actual dead person to name, for the dead will not contradict you. This, of course, will require advanced math skills, in order to time the death of the man with the baby’s conception. For example, don’t give the name of someone who has been dead these past ten years, you will look really stupid. Another excuse that works well is to claim the baby was fathered by a sailor or soldier who has gone missing. More imaginative, but less likely to be believed, is the claim that you were impregnated by a "diabolic, shape-shifting beast". Well, use whatever story best suits your particular needs at the moment.
Your unmarried status does not necessarily mean that you will be left to deliver in a field like a common farm animal. You can still have a midwife (See picture, above) attend your lying-in. Midwives have specialized backgrounds and have completed rigorous educational programs to care for "women in the straw". Particular attention is given to training on eliciting information from unmarried mothers as to the identity of the baby’s father.
Why answer the midwife’s questions? Well, aside from the fact that the midwife might stop torturing you with her questions, or that she may actually give you something to ease your labor pains, there are many good reasons to name the baby’s father. Here are just a few:
Correctly identifying the father, including pertinent scars and marks, to the midwife can assist a woman seeking child support from a man who denies he is the child's father.
Naming the father is useful for determining grandparentage, and, more importantly, inheritance rights, if any.
You may want to confirm the paternity of the child for the peace of mind of the other men in the village.
The father of the baby is generally responsible for paying the fee of the midwife.
With illegitimate births running at an alarming high of 2 to 4 percent of all deliveries, this is a very serious problem. Less serious, of course, is the twenty five percent or so of women who deliver suspiciously large infants within seven months of the wedding night. Remember: first babies can be born at any time, but second babies almost always seem to take nine months.
Get the Real Story:
Birth, Marriage and Death in Tudor and Stewart England David Cressey. Learn about the punishments meted out to parents of bastard children. Meet Agnes Bowker, and read of her excuse of giving birth to a cat, fathered by the fiendish creature mentioned in the story above. Cressy writes in a clear, informative style about the rituals surrounding birth, marriage and death in Tudor and Stuart England.
Websites:
Here are a couple from the University of KY. The information dates from the 2nd century, and should have been known to midwives in the 16th century.
Medicine and Anatomy Instructions for Midwives
Medicine and Anatomy Qualities and Training for Midwives
And, now, a word from one of our other sponsors:
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If a land trip is planned, to see sheep rising is good
Someone walking toward you is a good sign
Someone walking away from you is a bad sign
A man or animal rising means good health or a quick recovery from illness
A man or animal lying down means sickness to come, or continued illness
To see a red haired woman on your trip is unlucky
To see a black haired woman is lucky
To see a brown haired woman is even luckier
To see 7 swans means peace and prosperity
Dogs and horses are good things to see on your journey
And, a pig facing away from you is a bad sign, for all except a Campbell.
Special thanks to that very nice woman from the Commonwealth Club who gave me this list.
|
Is the Music you’re playing (or listening to) making you sick? Could be. "Hell is full of amateur musicians", as the saying goes. Believe me, the world is full of them, as well. Could playing the right instrument, or listening to the right music restore your health? New research shows this is possible. |
Our favorite learned physician, Dr. William Bullein, told us in a written statement: "Mirth and music must be specially used to ward off sickness and soreness." Bullein, desperate to conceal his family of origin, sometimes spells his name "Bulleyn", but seems to prefer "Bullein". The Times, having known more than one of the Bullen, Boleyne, de Boulogne, or Boleyn family, understands completely, and will gladly allow him his little subterfuge.
Bullein’s latest book, "A Dialogue Against the Fever Pestilence", is chock full of pills, potions, and plans to ward off sickness. Bullein did not return our calls requesting an interview for this article, so we had to do our own research. We went looking for the answer to the question, "What music would best ward off illness?" Darned if we didn’t find out! We’ve uncovered new research done abroad in the Low Countries that answers this question, and so much more.
As you may know, our learned doctors tell us that illness is caused by an imbalance in the body. Specifically, the an imbalance of the "humours"—that is, the various parts of the blood. This is the usual, reasonable and customary explanation, and you will soon be receiving our usual, reasonable and customary bill for this advice.
Now, these four humours correspond to the four basic elements, as well as to the four seasons of the year. Each person’s temperament is said to derive from the relevant dominant humour. Principal organs of the body are also governed by each of the humours. See Table 1 below. (Adapted from Pg 16 Medicina Magica)
| Elements | Earth | Air | Water | Fire |
| Seasons | Autumn | Spring | Winter | Summer |
| Humours | Black Bile | Blood | Phlegm | Yellow Bile |
| Temperaments | Melancholic | Sanguine | Phlegmatic | Choleric |
| Principal Organ | Spleen | Heart | Brain | Liver |
| Passive Stoicheia | Dry | Wet | Wet | Dry |
| Active Stoicheia | Cold | Warm | Cold | Warm |
Only an uncomprehending dolt would dare to ask, "How does ‘wet’ correspond to air, blood and spring?" Clearly, these people have never experienced the satisfying spurt of warm blood from the punched nose of your enemy on a rainy April day. Thusly, Summer, dry and warm, corresponds to fire, and yellow bile. Cold, wet, winter fits phlegm, which, when spun, looks quite a lot like snow. Of course, Autumn, taking the leftovers, has cold, dry, earth (harvest is over) and black bile.
Put another way:
Four humours reign within our bodies wholly
And these compared to four elements,
The sanguine, choler, phlegm and melancholy.
The latter two are heavy, dull of sense.
The other two are more Jovial, quick and jolly
And may be likened without offence
Like air both warm and moist is sanguine clear,
Like Fire doth choler hot and dry appear.
Like Water cold and moist is Phlegmatic,
The Melancholy cold, dry Earth is like......
From: The
Regimen of Health
Now, when any of these forces are out of balance in your body, you become ill. Your physician will prescribe treatment based on restoring you to a healthy balance. Simple, isn’t it?
Here’s the exciting part—you can help to restore your body’s harmony by listening to, or playing the right instrument!! Just study the following table, and choose your correct instrument. Be sure to get your doctor’s permission before starting this, or any, music program.
| Temperament | Sanguine | Phlegmatic | Choleric | Melancholic |
| Element | Air | Water | Fire | Earth |
| Color | Brilliant and Luminary | White | Flame-Colored | Lead-Colored |
| Emotions | Levity and Mirth | Apathy and Indolence | Irascible and Anger | Sadness and Depression |
| Nerves | Easily Excitable | Torpid | Rigid and Dry | Weak |
| Fluids | Pure | Watery | Phlogistic | Thick & Viscous |
| Blood | Light-red | Watery and Albescent | Dark Red | Black |
| Circulation | Quick | Slow | Uneven and Forceful | Sluggish |
| Perceptions | Ephemeral | Apathetic | Quick and Spontaneous | Slow and Enduring |
| Instrument | Violin, Flute, Harp | Alto-viola, Bass, Lyre | Trumpet, Drum, Cymbal | Trombone, Trumpet with Mutes |
Note: This information is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice. You should not use this information to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease without consulting with a qualified healthcare provider. Please consult your healthcare provider with any questions or concerns you may have regarding your condition.
Get the Rest of the Story: Eat Right for Your Type : The Individualized Diet Solution to Staying Healthy, Living Longer & Achieving Your Ideal Weight : 4 Blood Types, 4 Diets Not a Tudor Times recommended resource, therefore not in the Bookstore. But, the title is interesting, and did provide in part for the inspiration for this story. Of course, the author of this book is referring to the blood types, A,B,O,and AB, and not the four humoral types mentioned above.From Amazon.com Audiobook Review: "D'Adamo's bestseller details how different foods affect specific blood types both positively and negatively." (giggle--I couldn’t have said it better myself—what about those pesky Rh factors, hm? Doesn’t that make just a few more than four types? Y’ know---A pos, A neg, AB pos AB neg, etc, etc. I mean, hey, if you can be a universal donor or a universal recipient, surely that should do something to the food you ingest) Clearly, not read by the Webmistress.
An Introduction to Music Therapy : Theory and Practice
Sounds of Healing : A Physician Reveals the Therapeutic Power of Sound, Voice, and Music
Medicina magica : Metaphysical healing methods in late-antique and medieval manuscripts with thirty facsimile plates. (Title is out of print. Amazon can search for you, risk free) My sincere thanks to the fabulous librarians at William Beaumont Hospital for letting me use their copy of the book for this posting, as well as for all the kind help they have given me over the years. Medieval & Early Renaissance Medicine : An Introduction to Knowledge and Practice Culpeper’s Complete Herbal and English Physician. Culpeper’s Color Herbal Nicholas Culpeper, English Physician and Astrologer Culpepers Herbal Remedies Websites: Guide to Medieval and Renaissance Instruments Humoral doctrine paper (adobe format) Back to TopThe Palace announces a buy back program of assault weapons.
London- Henry Tudor, King Henry VII, announced a really expensive plan this past Thursday to end violence by having authorities buy weapons from commoners residing in and around major cities.A group of mayors joined with members of Parliament, sheriffs and clergy to urge the House of Commons to enact the tougher safety measures proposed earlier this year by the King.
"Hello? Hello? I’m the monarch, here. I’m in charge. If I proposed it, it’s the law of the land. You will sell us any and all weapons," said Tudor. "This is consistent with Article 29 of the Magna Carta," continued the King.
Tudor said the new program will give local municipalities "a whole lot of money" to buy weapons from commoners in and around large cities for a "suggested price" of 50 pence. The weapons will be destroyed, the Palace said. "We will not stockpile these weapons for use against you", Tudor promised.
"Every weapon turned in through this buyback program means potentially one less
tragedy," said weapons limitation advocate Lady Brady.
All across the realm, monetary rewards have lured many to give up their crossbows, pikes,
lances, and other so-called "assault" weapons. It will be suggested that mayors
hand out gift certificates for goods or services rather than cold cash, the Palace said.
The Lord Mayor of Wellington said his city's most recent buyback program offered tickets to jousting events in Dover.
As you may know, these tournaments are of great importance in keeping alive the ideals of chivalry, and service to king and country. But, these staged jousts are not without their detractors. "It’s nothing more than mere entertainment, extravagant fantasy, and the archaic exercise of obsolete military skills," fumed the Lady Brady. "Besides, at this point in history, as a vehicle for training in warfare, the tournament is largely anachronistic. Can’t they just shake hands and play chess or something? It would be ever so much safer."
The buyback plan drew immediate fire from Lord Benecol. The beefy baron is from a very long line of prominent dissenters, religious or otherwise. He said in a written press statement that "there is no evidence showing that the buyback programs reduce crime." Lapsing into Latin, he continued, "Cum crossbows proscriptae erunt tum soli proscripti crossbows habebunt." (When crossbows are outlawed, only outlaws will have crossbows.)
In fact, the weapons turned in through such buyback programs over the past few years has barely cut into the thousands of weapons estimated by the Crown to be in circulation.
That fact does not bother those committed to their cause -- a safer Realm. "What we need are safer bows and safer arrows," said Lady Brady. This nattering noblewoman has spearheaded several weapons limitations campaigns. In addition, she has called for safety locks on crossbows. Reports of unscrupulous makers of arrows using metal tips on the ends have reached our ears. "These arrows are designed specifically for piercing the armour and chain-maile of our brave knights", said Tudor. "These 'knight-killers' must be controlled, and I mean, now." In related news, tentative arms limitation talks are slated between super powers Spain, France and England. Expected on the agenda is a plea for the three countries to begin limiting their catapult stockpiles. Also to be discussed is the use of catapults in heaving dead bodies of plague victims into the camps of your enemy. "This so-called "biological warfare" has got to stop", said Lady Brady.Get the Real Story
Tudor and Jacobean Tournaments By Alan Young
Websites:
Guide to Federal and State Firearm Laws
Back to Top
Currently leading the pack, the pretty daughter of Ferdinand
and Isabella of Spain, Catherine of Aragon, shown here to your left. .
"I've got two sons, not that you'd know
it", continued Henry VII. "Take Harry, junior... please", quipped the King.
"Spends way too much time with his books. The boy's just not right. Thank God for
Arthur."
Stay tuned.
Get the Real Story:
Catherine of Aragon
Birth,
Marriage and Death in Tudor and Stewart England
Tudor Women, Queens and Commoners
Back to Top
In the market for a new horse this year? Many people are. So, we went to work to bring you even more news you can use. Remember: a little horse sense can save you big money!
First, learn the difference between the "invoice cost" and the "sticker price". The invoice cost is a guide to what the seller paid. The sticker price is what the seller wants you to pay. Demand the bill of sale. This will alert you to any inconsistencies in ownership (our lawyers can be thanked for this phrase), as well as provide a guide to the invoice cost.
Next, get ready to bargain. Ask yourself a few basic questions. What will you be using the animal for? Expect to pay more if you are trying to escape arrest, or avoid a forced marriage, and the seller is aware of your need. Likewise, you are not bargaining from a position of strength if you plan to utilize the animal in a rebellion to install one of your family members on the throne. Count on paying more. Other factors such as time of year and the seller’s access to animal storage facilities should also be considered. If possible, have the animal looked over by a competent horse doctor. Clues to the animal’s age and fitness can be obtained.
If buying a mare, be sure that she is carrying a foal, or has not yet been bred. This can save much grief later in avoiding a poor brood animal.
Now, start bargaining, assuming you are in a position to do so. When the seller names a price, gently inquire, "Would you be willing to accept less?". This generally gets better results than, "That’s too #@^%&*+ much, pal! No way!" Also, never, never start by naming the price you actually intend to pay, unless of course you hear the sheriff coming. Give yourself some room to work up to your final price.
Be wary—optional items such as saddles, armor, pikes, reins, extended warranties and such are often overpriced and can be used to disguise a worthless swayback.
Happy riding.
Update: Be aware...a horse should have sixteen characteristics. Three qualities of a fox: short, straight ears; good hair; and a strong tail full of hair. Four qualities of a hare: a lean head, extreme wariness; light movement; and speed. Four qualities of an ox: a wide, large and broad chest; a large belly; large eyes that stand out from the head; and low jointedness. Three qualities of an ass: good feet; a strong backbone; and gentleness. Four qualities of a maiden: a beautiful mane; a beautiful chest; beautiful loins; and large buttocks. From the Medieval Home Companion, page 108.
Get the real story:
The Affordable Horse Buying Your First Horse Websites:British Horse Society -- A registered charity.
The Times loves the smell of egg tempura and oils in the morning! It smells like art! However, really wonderful woodcuts have a quality entirely their own. Done without coloring, they still manage to produce the effect of color. Through a linear technique of engraving, Albrecht Dürer masterfully creates tones of varying darkness to describe three-dimensional forms. His works collectively show his technical expertise and his keen understanding of human proportions, and are a must see. ``I hold that the perfection of form and beauty is contained in the sum of all men,'' Durer told the Times in a written statement.
His latest work, "The Apocalypse" (a series of 15 woodcuts) is distinguished by its daring composition. Durer’s woodcuts display a more "gotcha Gothic" flavor than do the rest of his works to date (portraits, Madonnas, coats-of-arms, landscape-sketches). These woodcuts are eagerly sought after by the general public, and his engravings on copper are coveted by connoisseurs.
The third son of a Hungarian goldsmith, Dürer was apprenticed in 1486 to a painter and printmaker. He has traveled through Germany and Switzerland, and his art clearly demonstrates his expertise with line and a keen observation of detail. Look for more to be revealed soon from this very skillful artisan.
Editor Note: Well, it won't be revealed in the Tudor Times. We have had to pull Durer's woodcuts from these pages. We have a responsibility to our subscribers, and the "Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse", with it's Reformation theme, would be wildly offensive to our Catholic readership. It's up to us to protect our paying public. What a ridiculous waste of good wood.
Get the real story:
Books and more from Amazon:
The Complete Woodcuts of Albrecht Durer
And, be sure to visit the Tudor Times Bookstore for many more titles on this most fascinating period of history.The bookstore includes books, music and videos.
Websites:
Many of the Apocalypse woodcarvings. Visit Connecticut College's Wetmore Print Collection. See the pictures that the Tudor Times is afraid to publish. Note from the site: "Beware! Woe unto you of little RAM and of modest modem! Full images are high-resolution 290K large files. Only an updated browser on upgraded hardware will avoid calling forth a vast emptiness or crashing into a vaster abyss. What do you expect? This is the Applecalypse!"
What's really going on:
1. Art.com changed servers back in October. So, the too-good-to-be-true stunt of using
someone else's server for graphics and (potentially) getting paid for doing it has changed
materially. Oh, well.
2. Detroit has recently been embroiled in an art(?) censorship(?) scandal of it's own. Good thing, too, because I couldn't quite figure out how to explain why I had no pictures to go with our story. Here's the Tudor Times version of the uproar: This guy wanted to exhibit some foodstuff, some the dry, one seeded Brazilian variety of edible kernels, only he wanted to use the "N" word. We can't see what the fuss is all about, there are plenty of other ways to describe this tasty, hard shelled fruit without using the "N" word. Oh, the "N" word wasn't "Nuts"? Oh, dear.
Vive Le Roi! It's a Boy!
Palace Post Partum News
What a child is this! Announcement is made of the birth of the Prince of Wales, son of Henry Tudor and Elizabeth of York, most gracious and royal majesties of England. The prince was born on September 20, 1486. The baby’s weight and length information are pending from the palace. Deliberately evoking the fabled legends of the Knights of the Round Table and Camelot, the child is named Arthur. Now a prince, one day to rule as King Arthur. Happily ever after, we trust.
A royal proclamation was issued to celebrate the birth: "By order, summer lingers through September". When a quickly whispered word informed Henry VII that this just may not work, he became upset. "What good is being King if you can’t order the weather?", he asked petulantly. Advisors swiftly catalogued the many other advantages, and the King brightened considerably. "Taxes", he said dreamily. Further waxing philosophical, he continued, "As a grandson of the second husband of Catherine of France, my claim to the throne is shaky at best. It is good to have a son. And, his mother from the house of York, to boot." Other plans to mark the birth and honor the proud pater’s Welsh heritage are in the works. One idea is to create a council in the Marches of Wales, thus making the lad Prince of Wales with a Council in the Marches of Wales.
In other royal news, Ferdinand V and Isabella of Spain send the House of Tudor their greetings, a one year subscription to a diaper service, and a reminder of the birth of their own princess, Catherine of Aragon on December 15, 1485.
Get the Real Story: Oxford illustrated history of Tudor and Stuart Britain. Morrill, J. (ed.)Birth, Marriage and Death in Tudor and Stewart England David Cressey.
And, be sure to visit the Tudor Times Bookstore for many more titles on this most fascinating period of history.The bookstore includes books, music and videos.
Websites:
Online Royal News of the House of Windsor and much, much more
Know your rights in a palace guard encounter
Our
midi minstrels have a tune for you
 |
To fight palace guard abuse effectively you need to know your rights. There are some things you should do, some things you must do and some things you cannot do. If you are in the middle of a palace guard encounter, you need a handy and quick reference to remind you what your rights and obligations are. |
That's why the Tudor Times is making this information available. You can have a scribe copy this and carry it on your person, in a pocket or in a glove to give you quick access to your rights and obligations concerning palace guard encounters.
Be polite and respectful. Never gainsay a palace guard.
Stay calm and in control of your words. Don’t draw your sword.
Don't get into an argument with the palace guard.
Remember, anything thou sayest or doest can be taken down and used in evidence against thou.
Keep your hands where the palace guard can see them.
Don't run. Don't touch any palace guard officer.
Don't resist even if you believe you are innocent. This is also known as the "Methinks thou dost protest too much" mode.
Don't complain on the scene or tell the palace guard they're wrong or that you're going to file a complaint. (See above)
Do not make any statements regarding the incident. Even if they use Rack, Rope and Red-Hot Pincers
Ask for a lawyer immediately upon your arrest. This will really impress the guards.
Remember all identifying badges, devices or crests.
Write down everything you remember As Soon As Possible. (Hands missing or badly burned due to prior convictions? Can’t write at all? Plucky Tudor Times reporters are standing at the ready to help you with your recollections, provided you are arrested between 9am and 5pm during the week. Our scrappy reporters prefer to work regular hours---no nights, weekends or holidays)
Try to find witnesses, their names and the towns from whence they hail.
If you are injured, have portraits, engravings or woodcuts made of the injuries as soon as possible, but make sure you seek medical attention first.
If you feel your rights have been violated, file a written complaint with palace guard department's internal affairs division or civilian complaint board.
The Palace, speaking through a written press statement, would like us to know the following: "Our guards are easily identified by the Tudor Rose badge affixed to their peaked caps. Ordinarily, you would only be detained, arrested or tortured when you have disturbed the King’s peace. Of course, we have a very wide latitude in the interpretation of just what ‘Disturbing the King’s peace’ is. In any event, Palace guards will try to deal with you discreetly and quickly, so as not to embarrass or delay you unnecessarily."
1. Upon request, show your bill of sale. In most cases, your horse can be searched without a warrant as long as the palace guards have probable cause. To protect yourself later, you should make it clear that you do not consent to a search. While this may not protect you, it will provide some comic relief to the palace guard.
2. If you're given a ticket, you should sign it; otherwise you can be arrested. You and your lawyer can always fight the case in court later. Did someone say "Tick-It"?
3. If you're suspected of drunkenness (or RWI- Riding While Intoxicated) do not urinate on the palace guard, while shouting, "Sample this!", it looks bad. Technically, although you are providing a specimen, you will be dealt with as though you had not. It’s really bad form.
1. You have the right to remain silent and to talk to a lawyer before you talk to the palace guard. Tell the palace guard nothing except your name and village. Don't give any explanations, excuses or stories. Your lawyer will provide any explanations, excuses or stories later, in court. This is known as your defense, and is based on what you and your lawyer decide is best. ("Best" is generally contingent upon your ability to pay)
2. Ask to see a lawyer immediately. If you can't pay for a lawyer, you have a right to a free one, and should ask the palace guard how the lawyer can be contacted. Most free lawyers can be contacted with the help of a good medium during a seance. And since they are dead lawyers, you are assured that they are go---At this point, our hardy writer/proofreader/editor/illustrator was removed for a short time to converse with various members of the legal profession who had stopped by to discuss the elements of slander and defamation.
3. Do not make any decisions in your case until you have talked with a lawyer, or a medium.
We all recognize the need for effective law enforcement, but we should also understand our own rights and responsibilities -- especially in our relationships with the palace guards. Everyone, including minors and commoners, has the right to courteous and respectful palace guard treatment.
Get the Real Story:
Crime and Punishment in England : An Introductory History
Crime in Early Modern England 1550-1750 (Themes in British Social History Series) J.A. Sharpe
Rack, Rope and Red-Hot Pincers: A History of Torture and Its Instruments. Geoffrey Abbot. About one half of the book covers the Tower of London and various devices for getting at the Truth.
The History of Torture. Brian Innes
The Canting Crew, London’s Criminal Underworld John L McMullen
Or, visit the ACLU website that made this parody possible.
Our
midi minstrels have a couple of tunes for this story.
Where there’s fire, there’s smoke. Our reliable sources assure us that
the evil weed, Tobacco, will not come to England for another hundred years. However,
passive smoke is still a very real concern to those of us in the media. What with the
burning of logs, candles and torches, to say nothing of burning those people who
aren’t on board with the Crown, smoke is everywhere. Our physicians have warned
against taking in "corrupted air". Although they were speaking of stench, surely
smoke is no less a danger than other foul smells. Cursing the darkness may just be a whole
lot better, healthwise.
What you can do:
1. Think solar—use daylight hours, and the sun, as your primary light source.
2. Become a staunch supporter of daylight savings time.
3. Think lunar—if you must go abroad at night (Why? Decent people are abed at dark), use the light of the moon when possible. Listen to your mother, and eat your carrots, they will assist you with night vision.
4. Save a tree—Lobby for changing the laws to include more decapitations over hanging and burning as punishments. Why should the nobles be the only ones to be beheaded?
5. Cut down on the use of smoked foods. Instead, eat your carrots, and other root vegetables raw.
6. In rural areas, utilize your community resource for baking bread. In the city, purchase your bread from the local baker. This will result in a more uniform product, and less smoke from multiple fires.
7. See that your hearths and chimneys are in good working order.
8. Use the light from the main hearth to guide you, rather than using extra candles.
9. If you must light a candle, look for the dripless, smokeless variety sold in better shops.
10.Get the real story:
A World Lit Only By Fire. William Manchester. Not a Tudor Times recommended resource, and therefore, not in the Bookstore. But, the title did provide for the inspiration for this cover story.
A Dialogue Against the Fever Pestilence (Extra Series No. 52) William Bullein. Edited by Mark Bullen. Pricey or priceless? I absolutely love Dr. Bullein. By the way, it turns out that Bullein (Bulleyn) is just another fun variation for Bullen (Boleyn).
The Writer's Guide to Everyday Life in Renaissance England: From 1485-1649 Kathy Lynn Emerson. Along with being chock full of handy facts and an extensive bibliography of current and readily available resources, the book contains a line drawing of Dr. Bullein, making this title an instant favorite of mine.
And, be sure to visit the Tudor Times Bookstore for many more titles on this most fascinating period of history.The bookstore now includes books, music and videos.
Back to Top
Exclusive!! Royal Wedding Coverage
Making good on his campaign vow to "end government as we knew it", Henry Tudor has married Elizabeth of York, eldest daughter of Edward IV. The couple were wed on January 18th, 1486, in a great ceremony at Westminster Abbey. The air was fragrant with the mingling of dozens of red and white roses specially shipped in for the event. As you may know, the roses symbolize the two royal houses—red for the Lancastrians and white for the Yorkists. In addition to the stunning displays of the real roses, the occasion marked the introduction of the "Tudor Rose", an emblem befitting this new reign. Playing off the badge of Edward IV, the well known "rose-en-soliel" the new badge incorporates the red rose of the Lancastrians into the Yorkist emblem. Look for this dazzling device soon on all things royal.
Critics point out that this pretty new bride is merely a pawn in a high stakes dynastic chess game. Whispers that the Yorkist heiress had a prior offer of marriage this same time last year abound. It seems that the prior offer had come from the brides own uncle, the late Richard III. While the church would have to grant a special dispensation for a niece and uncle to marry, perhaps a larger obstacle lay in the fact that Richard was married at the time of the alleged affair. As Elizabeth ("Liza" to her friends) is the elder daughter of Edward IV and sister of the so-called "Princes in the Tower" her claim to the throne is----
At this point our plucky writer/illustrator/proofreader was removed to the Tower, whereupon she came up with the above pleasing picture, and thus was released from prison.
Get the Real Story:
The Princes in the Tower. Alison Weir Lives of the Kings and Queens of England Lady Antonia Fraser The Oxford Guide to Heraldry Thomas Woodcock The Medici Wedding of 1589. James Saslow (I don't have a whole book devoted to the Wedding of Hank 7 in stock) Press Censorship in Elizabethan England. Cyndia Susan Clegg
As a service to our readers, portions
of stories not politic to repeat will
be designated ("NP")
i - Crowning of Henry Tudor as King Henry VII on Bosworth field August 22
after a most savage battle wherein Richard III was killed (See our lead
story)
ii - Henry VII dating his reign from August 21, the day before the Battle of
Bosworth. (NP-the reason for this-in order to convict Richard III of treason.
This would otherwise not be legally possible, as you cannot convict a king of
treason against himself. Since Henry VII dated his reign from the day prior
to the battle, Richard III and 28 others were attainted ie-convicted of
treason- by Parliment. Inititally, opposition to predating the reign was
voiced, but in the end, Parliment did Henry VII's bidding in this matter).
"Long live Henry VII".
iii - Base treatment of the corpse of Richard III after the battle of
Bosworth. As reported in the Croyland Chronicle, the body "was found among
the slain and many insults were heaped on it, and it was removed to Leicester
in an inhuman manner, a halter being put about the neck, as was the custom
with condemned felons." Other sources report the body despoiled to the
skin-
that nought was left to cover his privy member, and his body "all besprung
with mire and filth". The body was taken to a church where it was covered
from the waist downward with a black cloth of poor quality, and for three
days the corpse was subject to "the universal gaze." (NP portion-- to
quote
the Chronicle, this was "not exactly in accordance with the laws of
humanity".)
iv - Preparations for the wedding of Henry VII and Elizabeth of York.
Elizabeth, of course being the eldest surviving female heir of Edward IV.
Many consider her to be Queen in her own right, and the contemplated marriage
to Henry VII strengthens his claim to the throne. Since both of them descend
from Edward III, a papal dispensation will be needed before the wedding can
take place. (NP-it is not very politic to repeat the previous wedding plans
of the Lady Elizabeth. Only as a service to our readers, the Tudor Times
will remind all that earlier this year, Lady Elizabeth was at court and
contracting marriage with Richard III, brother of Edward IV. Since the
Lady Elizabeth is the daughter of Edward IV, yet another papal dispensation
would have been required. More troublesome than obtaining Rome's permission
for niece and uncle to marry was the fact that the wife of Richard III was
yet alive. See story vi)
v - Continued speculation about the fates of Edward V and the Duke of York,
the so-called "Princes in the Tower", brothers of Lady Elizabeth. Many
believe that the princes died in 1483, some say they perished by sword,
others say they were drowned in wine, still others are sure that the princes
were suffocated whilst they slept. Some place the blame on Richard III,
uncle of the boys. As a service to our readers, the Tudor Times recommends
that you do not speculate that the princes are alive, this would not be a
good thing for the present reign. Further, we urge you not to suggest that
Henry VII himself had any part in the disappearance of the princes.
vi - The death on March 16, 1485 of Queen Anne, consort of Richard III. As
reported by the London Chronicle, upon news of the death, "there was much
whispering of poison" even amongst Northern residents, traditionally
staunch
supporters. The queen died during a great eclipse of the sun. Rumor that
Richard III had poisoned his wife made the contemplated marriage to his niece
impossible. (See story iv)
vii - The appearance of a 16 year old male at the Royal Pavillion on
Bosworth field, shortly before the battle. Richard III greeted this young
man, spoke with him, gave him a purse of gold and then bid him farewell. Was
this young man, who was called "Richard Plantagenet" another bastard
son of
Richard III, or as NP non readers of the Tudor Times suggest, Richard, Duke
of York? (See story v)
viii - Imprisionment in the Tower of the 10 year old Earl of Warwick, the
last direct descendant in the male line from Edward III. On order of Henry
VII, the lad was taken to the Tower, to have no company, except that of his
keepers, and no education. Again, the Tudor Times recommends that you do not
speculate that any other than Henry VII has as good a claim to the throne.
ix - Execution of William Catesby, adherent of Richard III. A lawyer from
Northhamptonshire, Catesby soon sold out his employer, and began to curry
favor with Richard III. He rose to the position of Speaker of Parliment.
x- Elevation of those in favor with Henry VII.
Plague-Proof Yourself and Your Family
Just surfed on in? Followed a link from somewhere? Click to visit The Tudor Times. "If you enjoy the fun, fashion and frolic of the English Renaissance, then you should be heading to this website."
Our Midi Minstrels have a tune for this story
Everyone knows about carrying a pocket full of posies to ward off the
plague. In this issue, we go beyond that to bring you the top tips to help keep you and
your family safe.
Be wary of all travelers.
Don’t wear any clothing last worn by a plague victim. Leading doctors recommend burning those garments.
Take a clue from the clothing of our physicians. So they don’t have to come in contact with the infected person, doctors use a wand to give orders. The stick is also used to feel the patient's pulse. The bird bill holds filtering cloths. (See picture)
Some groups recommend this: Go forth barefoot in sackcloth sprinkled with ashes. Weep, pray, tear at your hair, carry candles and relics. Sometimes decorate yourself with ropes around your neck or beat yourself with whips. See tip #1 above.
Try not to handle dead bodies yourself. Pay someone to do this. Pay them a lot of money.
The bodies of the dead ought not to be removed from the place in which they are found unless first such a body has been placed in a wooden casket covered by a lid secured with nails, so that no stench can issue forth from it.
Get active in local government. Other countries have passed sanitation laws. These laws have provided that butchers and retail vendors of meat, individually and in common, can not hold or maintain near a tavern or other place where they sell meats, or near a shop or beside or behind a shop any stable, pen or any other thing which will give off a putrid smell; nor can they slaughter meat animals nor hang them after slaughter in any stable or other place in which there is any stench. Stiff fines are imposed such as a penalty of £ 10.
Temperate living has it’s adherents. We don’t personally know of any such people, they do sound rather dull. They eat and drink only very moderately. These folks have banded together in houses without the society of others, and converse only among themselves (they really do not live longer, it just seems like it). They divert their minds with music – Well! maybe these people are not so dull, after all! They also favor fine wines and the most delicate viands, so, let’s not be too hasty to judge them, at least until we have been invited to dine, and heard their musicians.
Others maintain that to drink freely, frequent places of public resort, and take their pleasure with song and revel (just not with the above group) is by far the best remedy.
If all the above fails, and a family member or loved one is stricken, follow these simple steps:
During daylight hours: Loudly announce, "I'm going for the doctor." Calmly walk out the door, and do not return again.
During evening hours: Leave a plate of food and drink near the afflicted person, along with some blankets. Cheerfully explain, "So that during the night you do not have to awaken those who serve you and who work hard day and night, take some sweetmeats, wine or water. They are here on the bedstead by your head; here are some blankets." When the sick person has fallen asleep, leave and do not return again. (Coming soon, Best Excuses To Explain Your Extended Absence Should The Victim Survive).
You feel sick. Maybe it’s the plague. (Also Called "Black Death"). Or, it could be "The Sweat". (Also known as: The Swat, New Acquaintance, Stoupe, or "Knave, know thy master".) While both plague and sweat can start off with headaches, fever, and sometimes delirium, and most often, death, there are some key differences. Clip and save our handy chart.
| The Plague | The Sweat |
| No regard for age, or station in life. | Only kills the rich, middle aged - not the young or the old, or poor |
| Death may take up to 5 days | A quick death "a pestilent contagious fever of one natural day", so say our doctors |
| Bubonic -Black "bubos"-boil like sores appear in the armpit, groin or on the back. | Profuse sweating |
| Sudden fever; spitting blood and saliva (No one who spit blood seems to survive) | "... the symptoms reached their height by the seventh hour after onset, by the ninth, delirium set in, and that death often quickly followed... However, if the victim survived the fifteenth hour the symptoms abated, and if they passed the twenty-fourth hour, they usually survived." So say our physicians. |
| Pneumonic Plague -often restless, delirious, confused and abrupt onset of high fever, chills and often a severe headache. Coughing develops within 24 hours, initially mucoid but rapidly developing blood spotting and then acquiring a uniform, bright red, often foamy appearance. Most patients die within 48 hours after onset. | Burning heat, sickness, headache, delirium, intense thirst, labored breathing, erratic pulse, followed by faintness, drowsiness, profuse sweating, sickness of stomach and heart but seldom vomiting. |
| Uncoordinated movement | "Dancing in court at nine, dead at eleven" is the popular phrase. |
Get the rest of the story:
Medical Ethics in the Renaissance. Winfried Schleiner. Drawing on the writings of doctors from the mid 16th to mid 17th centuries, the book traces the development of ethical ideas in medicine during the Renaissance.
A Dialogue Against the Fever Pestilence (Extra, Series : No 52) Mark Bullen
King Death: The Black Death and Its Aftermath in Late Medieval England. Colin Platt.
Medieval & Early Renaissance Medicine : An Introduction to Knowledge and Practice. Nancy G. Siraisi.
Healing and society in Medieval England. Faye Marie Getz
Impact of Plague in Tudor and Stuart England. Paul Slack.
With Faith and Physic : The Life of a Tudor Gentlewoman, Lady Grace Mildmay, 1552-1620. Linda Pollock. Lady Mildmay's medical papers illustrate the type of treatment practiced by women, the range of ailments they were prepared to treat, how medicines were manufactured, what ingredients were used and what they cost - and they show that there was little difference between the care offered by a university-trained physician and a self-taught woman.
Or, visit this website.
Or, this one: Discourses of the Plague in London -- Prominent mention of the "onetime rector of Blaxhall in Suffolk, former Marian refugee, and kinsman to Anne Boleyn" -- yes, William Bullein.
Best Excuses To Explain Your Extended Absence Should The Victim Survive
(This will make much more sense if you have read the Plague story from the beginning)Perhaps you ignored our instructions which clearly stated, "Leave, and do not return again". Maybe you were walking down the street, or were in the marketplace, and suddenly you bump into someone you had left for dead. Whatever the reason, you need an excuse, and you need one fast. We’re here to help.
There are a couple of ways to go with those all important first words:
First, you could greet the survivor heartily. "Hail, fellow, well met!" or "Well met!" works fine. If you have completed your multicultural sensitivity training, you might try, "Saints (or God) be praised! You’re alive". This greeting is tricky—be quite sure you know the religious preferences of the survivor, as well as those of the currently reigning monarch. "Allah be praised!, etc." might work if you’re planning to use that worn out excuse, "I was captured by gypsies and sold in a strange land".
Next, grasp the survivor by the arms in the usual manner. This is great, not just for conveying that all-important feeling of bon homme, but it allows you to restrain the other person if need be.
Or, you could feign amnesia. Done properly, the survivor should not only forgive your extended absence, but may even be moved to pity you.
Now that the first few minutes are over, there are bound to be questions. Only answer the questions that you are asked. Don’t volunteer information, and don’t expand on your answer. Use ‘yes’ or ‘no’ responses where possible.
Ok, your family member or loved one presses you for an explanation. After all, you’ve gone missing for quite some time, left the questioner for dead, and probably sold off all their possessions. Here are our top five suggestions:
Get the Real Story:
Back to "You feel Sick" Back to Top of page
Is Chivalry Dead? (A Parody)
The
Tudor Times
looks at recent events:
Growing up in Kent during the '70s, Courtley Ardor didn't care much for the campaigns his father attended. "I'd wonder why nobody on those marches was wearing waistcoats," he has said. But with its days of ugly flat shoes and fierce battles mostly behind it, Chivalry is clearly more attractive to Ardor now.
Earlier this year, the young scion turned gallant and squire showed up at the Wars of the Roses 30th anniversary bash at the Carrollinig Inn. A busy courtier, he couldn't stay long. Springing up to leave midway through the event, he trilled, "Can you believe it? Here I am with Members of Parliament, and now I'm off to sup with the King!"
The revel was one of many in a hectic season. In April came "Rebirth", a living work of art designed to humanize images of men and thus somehow invest them with artistic beauty. The invitees gathered in the great hall of Hampstead Court to view 15 men staring into space atop their duck-billed shoes. But the most impressive affair in recent months was a reading of "The Codpiece Monologues", a performance piece about male private parts by Adam Enffler that attracted a host of local gentry. The attendees had come to raise money for the crown, but the cause seemed lost amid the event's unconstant theatrics.
A Tudor Times poll of almost everyone we know confirms what we suspected--that wealth more than anything else determines whether a man defines himself as a knight. People may grumble, and it's easy to dismiss the voices of Old Guard knights as the typical complaints of has beens yearning for their days at center stage. But is Henry VII really progress?
Of course, we are speaking of recent events apres Bosworth. Without deriding or defending the previous reign, we must strenuously protest the current administration’s ex post facto start of the Tudor reign to August 21st , not the day of the battle, August 22nd. The implications are staggering, not the least of which, we had to redo our dateline. While we can understand, articulate, and at times appreciate, the concept of a legal fiction, (in this instance to backdate the start of a reign in order to attaint 29 persons), we strongly disapprove of this action. We echo our cross-town news rival, The Croyland Chronicle, in saying, "…What security shall our Kings have henceforth, that in the day of battle, they may not be deserted by their subjects?"
---At this point, our plucky editor was dragged off to undoubtedly share the fate of the first Tudor Times editor, who, you may recall, was hanged at Tyburn.
Get the rest of the story:
An Historical Guide to Arms and Armor. Stephen Bull
Chivalry. Maurice Keen.
And, be sure to visit the Tudor Times Bookstore for many more titles on this most fascinating period of history.The bookstore now includes books, music and videos.
Or, visit this website . Aaron Neilson's "Knights and Chivalry" is the best site for style and substance I’ve yet to run across on the subject.
Yorkists
defeated, Henry Tudor Proclaimed King
Richard III - Le Roi en mort
Forces headed up by Henry Tudor, now Henry VII, defeated an army led by Richard III at Bosworth, thus ending the so-called "War of the Roses". Sources we have just made up, uh, met up with told us that some of Richard’s final musings included the remarks, "I’d gladly suffer many more winters of discontent, rather than see no more winters."… and, "You know, August is really not a good month, politically".
Get the rest of the story:
Elizabeth Hallam -- Chronicles of the Wars of the Roses; The Turbulent Years of the Last Plantagenets, Seven Kings from Richard II in 1377 to Richard III in 1483
B. Lamb, P. W. Hammond- The Betrayal of Richard III
Charles Ross - Richard III
Paul Murray Kendall - Richard III, the great debate
Richard
III (The Folger Shakespeare Library)
The Lives of the Kings & Queens of England Lady Antonia Fraser
Bosworth Field, Battle of, decisive battle fought in 1485, in Leicestershire, England, terminating the War of the Roses (1455-1485), a struggle for the English throne between the houses of York and Lancaster. The struggle was so named because the Lancastrian badge was a red rose and that of York a white rose. The wars broke out when military losses and the insanity of Henry VI, the Lancastrian king of England, led Richard Plantagenet, Duke of York, to assert his claim to the throne. He was defeated and killed in 1460. In 1461 Richard's son, Edward IV, defeated Henry. In 1470 a Lancastrian army restored Henry, but the next year Edward defeated the Lancastrians and Henry was murdered. After Edward's death in 1483, his brother, Richard III, usurped the throne. The Lancastrians turned to Henry Tudor (later King Henry VII). The Battle of Bosworth Field (1485) resulted in Richard's death. Henry VII then married Edward's daughter, Elizabeth, thus uniting the houses. From Encarta.
Magazine Description Military History captures the drama of classic land, sea, and air battles throughout history. This bimonthly magazine explores the tactics, weapons, fighting forces, victories, and defeats of history's most intriguing battles. It captures the very essence of battle in all its suspense, turmoil, and excitement. Try it, Risk Free!
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