Background midi: "Lament for Limerick" a Y2K compliant tune
from Frank Petersohn, the Leader in Leider mit midi melodies.

Frequent visitor? Click to Go to the Books and Scroll up to the Newer Limericks:

imericks

This is from a contest on Long Island. The requirements were to use the words Lewinski and Kaczynski in a limerick. Here are the 3 winners:

And here are our contributions, too many, too late:

Thanks to the media, we know how Bill is constructed.
With, Peyronie’s disease we have been instructed.
And, we know about the dress
That is oh, such a mess.
Thank God, it’s only justice that’s obstructed.

Back to the original rules:

In Africa, they made like Kaczynski,
By blowing up the Yank’s embassy.
So, let’s go whole hog,
And "Wag the Dog".
It sure takes the heat from Lewinsky.

And not:

Clinton worries about his legacy.
But, he’s redefined sexuality!
So, "sexual relationships"
Don't involve lips?
Everything turns on this legality.

Clinton struggles to do what’s right.
Apologize, bite his lip, look contrite.
But don’t you be fooled,
His ardor hasn’t cooled.
"Sorry" is just another sound bite.

Ministers in the White House are staying.
To help Clinton avoid sin by their praying.
And to watch  the bedroom Lincoln,
This sure has got me thinkin’:
Ya wonder how much they’re paying.

The President has pulled quite a feat
A redefinition of sex -- that’s neat!
Due to the hair spitting,
There’s legal hair-splitting.
No wonder he’s the Commander in Cheat.

The Starr report leaves us all reeling.
With it’s juicy details so appealing.
Will Monica write a book?
So we’ll have another look?
Afraid so, I’ve got a sinking feeling.

The Starr report makes your blood freeze.
Waving graphic behaviors in the breeze.
No detail did they skimp,
Between Clinton and the blimp.
So now, the Presidency is on it’s knees.

The Starr Report is a seamy sex "tell-all".
With the lurid details, the media is having a ball.
Tho' we'd like to be rid
of the "Comeback Kid",
Seems he does his best work up against a wall.

Maggie Gets Remedial Limerick Help:

In the last presidential ee-lect-shun
When American made her see-lect-shun,
What wasn't known then,
That the choice of the men
Was between  a Vet or a walking ee-rect-shun.

It's a Grand Old Jury Time:

Let's hear more of the Monica relationship.
The gory details have us fast in it's grip.
The story's a steamy scorcher.
The Dems cry, "Water Torture".
But, it's Bill who's the drip, drip, drip.

Clinton's slicing his words like a surgeon.
Trying to stem the lies that do burgeon.
Quote, "the person deposed",
Well, next, I suppose
He’ll argue he’s a technical virgin.

The media is having a field day, a blast.
Detailing Clinton's long, hot sexual past.
I look at my husband dear,
And for Hillary, shed a tear.
I'm not the First Lady, but at least I'm the last.

Clinton, to his story, he’s stickin’
He says, "I’d rather have taken a lickin’" ***
Than admit what I did.
But, this "comeback kid"
Like a watch, just keeps on tickin’.

***N.B. The actual statement, made by the President of the United States, under oath, to an impaneled Grand Jury, via videotape, was, "I’d rather have taken a beating, than admit…" (what occurred with Gennifer Flowers), "especially when we had done so much to disprove it". Well, whatever "admit" and "disprove" mean aside, we have taken poetic license with "beating".

Whoops! My memory is not what it was when I first started doing this website. The exact testimony from the President of the United States was:

QUESTION: Well, the grand jury would like to know, Mr. President, why it is that you think that oral sex performed on you does not fall within the definition of sexual relations as used in the deposition.

CLINTON: Because that is -- if the deponent is the person who has oral sex performed on him, then the contact is with -- not with anything on that list, but with the lips of another person. It seems to be self-evident that that's what it is. And I thought it was curious.Let me remind you, sir, I read this carefully. And I thought about it. I thought about what "contact" meant. I thought about what "intent to arouse or gratify" meant.And I had to admit under this definition that I'd actually had sexual relations with Gennifer Flowers. Now, I would rather have taken a whipping than done that, after all the trouble I'd been through with Gennifer Flowers, and the money I knew that she made for the story she told about this alleged 12-year affair, which we had done a great deal to disprove.So I didn't like any of this. But I had done my best to deal with it. And the -- that's what I thought. And I think that's what most people would think, reading that.

It's not just the sex--(really):

There’s more to this than sex, you know.
Who cares whether Clinton got a job blow?
Foster and others are dead,
We’re fixated on head.
Say, is all this to divert the average Joe?

Some Sundays, the Clintons do church attend.
Smiling, looks like a marriage on the mend.
But the man’s a cheat-
Ruts like a bitch in heat.
Um, do you suppose it’s all been pretend?

Actually, Hillary’s back home in Arkansas.
While Congress debates impeachment law.
All of this strife,
She still is his wife.
Boy, she sure stands by her man-haw, haw!

Are there other charges Starr will get around to?
New evidence to be had, something found to
Implicate the First Lady
In land deals so shady?
Hey, Hillary, maybe you’ll be goin’ down, too!!

A number of Clinton friends are quite dead.
Linda Tripp said she was filled with dread.
But, let’s fixate
on "Zippergate"
And prattle about Monica giving Bill head.

There is other news, you know:

Ted's brother wants no tax on his reward dough.
So to the bomb victims all the cash can go.
It sounds very nice,
But, I'm thinkin' twice--
Who says he won't take the money and blow?

So?

In '74 it was a frontal assault on Constitutionality
That drove Nixon from office, don't you see?
Distinguish Willie Slick
From old Tricky Dick--
With Clinton, it's full frontal nudity.

There once was a Presidential Dud
Who enjoyed pleasures of the Pud.
When asked by Starr,
"Who do you think you are?"
Came Bill's reply, "I'm the First Stud".

As prez, Bill couldn't be hipper,
Over 50, and still works his zipper.
He wants to shout,
"You won't kick us out!
If you do, it's Al Gore and Tipper!"

It’s First Marriage year 23,
But, where are Bill & Hillary?
She’s on a trip ‘long planned.’
He’s in DC making a stand.
Well, Clintons, Happy Anniversary!

If Dick Armey got into another woman’s pants,
Resign? Why, he wouldn’t have a chance!
Mrs Armey’s no fool
Her response so cool,
"How do I reload?", from a shooter’s stance.

Countdown--

John Glenn’s doing a very brave deed,
As he readies for his mission, we plead—
Can we make a case
to send into space
Every other politician with him, and, Godspeed!

A new scandal!!

A fresh sex scandal the headlines now scream-
Tom fathered more than his country, it would seem.
Using his plantation
for acts of procreation,
What Jefferson needs now is OJ's DNA dream team.

We didn't even have time for "boot" and "Newt"

These mid term elections leave some doubt,
Since there was no large Democratic rout.
Have the voters gone crazy?
Or simply too lazy?
Clinton's staying and Newt Gingrich is out??

Maggie gets into the Christmas spirit: ("Believe")

On Clinton's story, I'm not really sold.
Nor on his clever defense, tho' bold.
But I believe the guy
Didn't ask anyone to lie.
For my money, I think they were told.

According to the recent polls, anyway:

There once was a man from Hope
Who never inhaled his dope
Though the meaning of "is"
Is an invention of his
He's now more beloved than the pope. ***

Depends on your definition of "Sorry".

The trial’s over now, brought by Ken Starr.
The Senate vote was close, but no cigar.
His office is black and tarry,
The president says he’s sorry.
Why, of course,  Mr. Clinton, you certainly are.

Now what can we write about?

So, that's what the triangle is for:

I don’t know whether Mr. Tinky-Winky
Can engage in sex acts some call kinky.
Because this "Tele-tubby"
Is so downright chubby,
It makes his equipment look rather dinky.

From 1st Lady to Jr Senator from New York???

Hillary, you know, is the family breadwinner.
Devoting her life to advancing that sinner.
Having probably escaped jail
Will she hit the campaign trail?
Why not? They’ve got a good fact spinner.

The Clintons, they do not own a home.
All over the world they jaunt and roam.
Living large without paying rents.
Enjoying life at taxpayer expense.
I’m so ticked, I can’t finish this poem.

After Bill’s TV admission show-stopper--
He’d had a relationship that was improper.
We’re told that Hillary
Simply had no idee.
Is she a name we want in the Senate hopper?

Looks like the first marriage has a new start on.
And Hillary’s trying a new look so smart on.
Bill gave her a gold pin,
Saying, "I won’t do it agin"
That’s great! Now they will both have a heart on.

First, the Background:

WASHINGTON (AP) – FEB 22, 1999 President Clinton and the nation's governors grappled with differences over education policy today. Assembled for their winter meeting, the governors attended a roundtable discussion with Clinton and Vice President Al Gore. Some governors raised doubts about Clinton's education initiative to build more schools, hire more teachers and penalize states for poor classroom performance. Michigan Gov. John Engler, a Republican, (pictured here) said different states have different priorities. ``So it became apparent -- the impossibility of the federal government designing a one-size-fits-all system,'' he said.

Then the Limerick: Clinton’s Education Plan may have come to a stall. The Feds are pushing around the States, what Gall! John Engler said, "Please, We’ve different priorities. And you know I’ve a problem with one size fits all."

President Clinton feels his legacy is in doubt.
He just doesn’t know what his office is about.
"By example you lead",
Was never his creed.
And after a shabby start, he simply petered out.

 The Clinton Presidency’s filled with strife.
Impeached, and fighting for his political life—
He can’t start a war,
It’s been done before.
So, when all else fails, Wag the Wife.

What rhymes with "Los Alamos"?

For a guy who’s barely escaped the clink,
Bill Clinton’s not very remorseful, I think.
Turning Los Alamos into a joke.
But it’s high time people awoke--
In national security, it’s a mighty big chink.

Here are the rewrites:

They say that Mr. Wen Ho Lee
Has leaked our secret technology
While he worked at the lab
Did he to his friends go blab?
If true, what a chink in our security.

Bill Clinton’s barely escaped the clink.
And he’s not too remorseful, I think.
Joking about Los Alamos
Where secrets did vamanos (*)
In our security, this is quite a chink.

(*) I think this is Spanish for vanish, goodbye, or something like that. (I really am "inexcusably ethnically insensitive," you know)

All we are saying, is, "Give our Limericks a chance":

Clinton has sent our forces off to Kosovo.
He's really quite lucky, don't you know.
The troops kept their word.
No one split for Oxford.
And not one said, "Hell no, we won't go!"

A rewrite of a favorite:

Bill feels his legacy is in doubt--
Doesn’t know what it’s all about.
"By example you lead",
Was never his creed.
With a poor start, he just petered out.

E. D. - Surely you've seen the commercials

His wife’s playing with a candidacy
For the United States presidency.
As Elizabeth Dole
does so well in a poll,
It’s no wonder that Bob has E.D.

E. Dole is not first choice of mine.
Having seen her mince words so fine.
For my money,
This southern honey
Is simply Bill Clinton in a crinoline.

What does rhyme with "Bush"? (Besides that)

Clinton’s days are going by in a whoosh.
Before he leaves, he wants a big push.
Worried about his legacy--
His place in our history.
It’s easy, he’s the President after Bush.

Some Endorsements you just don’t want:

Our choice would be Mr Dan Quayle
Tho’ his chances do look rather frail.
So he can’t spell,
But what the hell—
He’d never take credit for E-mail.

Cold Steele (witness in the Kathleen Willey trial)

Presidential accuser Ms Kathleen Willey
charged unwanted advances from Old Billy
But the witness lied,
and won’t be retried.
Just what is Ken Starr’s logic here, really?

And, a few words about the Susan McDougall trial:

Lies can dance trippingly on the tongue.
In testimony that smelled like cow dung
She told twelve of her peers
that she harbored great fears.
And so the jury, like Clinton, was hung.

What’s Coming?

Starr’s next trial is with Webster Hubbell.
Another Friend Of Bill’s in big trouble.
Accused of being perverse,
and maybe much worse—
Is this going to be another burst bubble?

So, why do they call it "The Cox Report", anyway?

The media has had plenty and enough
Of Clinton’s escapades in the buff.
Was it all an act
To cover the fact
That someone stole our nuclear stuff?

What, me worry?

I really don’t see what is the big fuss
Don’t worry about this theft—or cuss
For quite a long while
we knew not their stockpile
Now they have the same weapons as us.

"If you fail to plan, you plan to fail"

You know I'm no Clinton fan.
I'm tired of his failure to plan.
His place in history
is really no mystery--
He's just not a legacy man. (*)

(*) It's like a "leg man", only different. Ask someone old to explain this.

The background:

The New Yorker magazine is reporting that friends of President Clinton believe he will run for the U.S. Senate seat from Arkansas in 2002. "A former president entering the Senate is not without precedent--fellow impeachment survivor Andrew Johnson did it in 1875."….
"Bill Clinton is not yet 60, and a seat on the Supreme Court---which had long been viewed as among his ambitions--was probably put beyond his reach by the intern with the thong".—Time Magazine.

A senate bid for old Bill is in reach
And, history has something to teach
A senator/president
has a great precedent
The last was another they wouldn’t impeach.**

** Ok, I know I mean "remove", but it just didn’t rhyme very well.

Probably not fit for the Supreme Court
So, this ambition he’ll have to abort.
They affirmed a "long dong"
Why not a big thong?
I mean, Bill Clinton is no Robert Bort.**

**Yeah, I know it’s "Bork", sue me.

Interactive Limericks. The Hillary Senate Bid:

I think the whole thing is a fable.
And the liberal press will enable
A blockage of views
And call it "the news".
Look, this guy’s source is his table.

Not to say that Ms Hillary’s a hag.
Or, in polls she's starting to lag.
Tho’ she's tried to repair
the state of her hair.
She still looks like a Carpet bag.

Another way you can tell that Maggie is a boomer---

See Hillary.
See Hillary run.
Run, Hillary, run!

See Hillary.
See Hillary listen.
Listen, Hillary, listen!

See Spot.
Spot is on the blue dress.
Out, Spot, out!

See Jane.
See Jane Doe.
Doe, Jane Doe.

See Dick.
(I would say, "Run, Hillary, run", again here, but this is a family website)

Bill differs from those gone before.
But, figuring his legacy is no chore.
Most have a library
Built* in their memory.
For Clinton, it's an adult bookstore.

* You know I was dying to say "Erected in their memory", but it didn't fit the meter.

I’d walk a mile for a Camelot:

Yes, I’m trashing John-John in this verse.
And no bodies yet found for the hearse.
Last month it seems he
broke his foot on a tree.
Maybe stupidity is the real "Kennedy curse."

George

Magazine Description George is not just politics as usual. This irreverent monthly guide to the people and the process of politics spotlights the personalities who shape public issues, from elected officials to media moguls to Hollywood stars. Co-founded by John Kennedy, Jr., George brings politics to life with insightful reporting and cutting-edge commentary, covering points where politics and popular culture converge.

Talk

Magazine Description Talk is a new, upscale monthly magazine from Tina Brown (former editor of The New Yorker and Vanity Fair) that provides depth, passion, and context to the issues that obsess us. Intellectually adventurous, wide-ranging, informal, and visually engaging articles deliver news from the source. Talk ignites conversation about popular culture, politics, medicine, technology, fashion, the arts, and American society. Talk grapples with how we live today and how we will live tomorrow, encouraging people to talk in ways they never have and about things they never have revealed. Talk is the general-interest magazine for the new millennium; it is the intimate story of our lives.

Talk about Talk: (Hillary explains why Bill is the way he is)

His wife says he's filled with shame
While besmirching his good family name.
We all know that Bill
Just loves a cheap thrill
But, his poor granny's the one to blame.

So, is she really going to run for the Senate?

The end of the Camelot romance
brought about by a sad happenstance.
Leaves the junior JFK
forever out of the way.
And, it sure improves Hillary's chance.

Abstinence makes the heart grow fonder:

Now that I write stories for pay,
I've learned this to my dismay--
Having sworn off drink
All the better to think,
I realize I have nothing to say.

Our FAQ theme song isn't "Fat Bottomed Girls" for nothing:

Not drinking shouldn't make me so glum.
A few pounds off my frame have come.
So, hip, hip hooray--
This could be the way
To decrease the size of my (now sober) bum.

Will she or won't she?

Maggie’s advice to Hillary:

If you’re out of the race, I won’t sob.
Not a minute of my sleep will it rob.
Here’s a Bronx cheer (*)
For you, my dear.
Why don’t you try getting a real job?

I’m here to say, "Happy Thanksgiving".
And, despite my other scrive-ner-ing,
In a really big way
I’m glad on this day
That I don’t write limericks for a living.

Tripp will be prosecuted, no doubt.
For recording info on Bill the Lout.
Tho’ she knew the law
No problem she saw.
Now her luck has just tapped out.

We choose to go to Mars.

There’s not a peep from the planet red.
Seems the signal has gone quite dead.
And the total bill?
Just $165 mill.
Couldn’t I have that money, instead?

Danger, Will Robinson

Wasteful spending?, Here’s a perfect case.
Now NASA’s got egg on it’s face.
All that money they spen’
to talk to little green men,
Is now simply "Lost in space".

Speaking of spending….we prefer OPM(*), too

Working for Bradley is quite a thrill.
But, please, don’t let yourself get ill.
Parting with his own wealth
to cover his worker’s health.
Proved too much for old "dollar Bill".

(* )Other People’s Money

You can give up tobacco products, and still lose weight!

Hey, Monica’s lost weight, oh, wow!
She looks less like a Holstein cow.
The secret to lost pounds.
Is not out of bounds.
She’s putting less in her mouth, now

Actually the webmistress should not throw stones, since the webmistress certainly could stand to lose a stone (or four) herself. For my US cousins, a stone is a standard measure of weight varying from 14 lb avoirdupois to 24 lb for wool, 22 lb for hay, 16 lb for cheese.

Illegal Elian

The slugs* just call him "Cuban Boy".
Protesters gather 'round in great joy.
I think the butt of little Elian
Should on the next boat be on.
Is this another Clinton distraction ploy?

* slugs—supposedly, the media term used for the AP news wire release subject lines.

Why the Tudor Times will stay in electronic format only

The press, with the facts, they do fiddle.
Whilst forgetting "Media" means "Middle".
But, I really must say
Newspapers are the best way
Of teaching a pet where to piddle.

Arch Conservatives

"We’re often described as ironic,
Acerbic, sarcastic, sardonic.
Why are we so arch?
It’s the drycleaners starch
Makes our casual cantankerousness chronic."

From: “Politickles, Limericks Lampooning the Lunatic Left”

Art Failure (now, myself, I’d have called it, “Art Full”…maybe “Art Less”…or how about “Art, See”?)

"I’m so talented and smart,
But no one will give me a start.
So I’ll take up the chant
For an NEA grant
To finance my career in fine art.”

From: “Politickles, Limericks Lampooning the Lunatic Left”

Better Ready than Dead

"Here’s a survey that needs to be done,
On the merits of having a gun:
Ask anyone harmed
By a thug who was armed
If he wishes he, too, had had one."

From: “Politickles, Limericks Lampooning the Lunatic Left”

It's a good thing

Martha told her broker by phone:
"Just dump all my shares of Imclone."
This great stroke of luck
saved more than a buck.
Next day, the price dropped like a stone. 

The Kerry Candidacy
(To the Tune of "The Adams Family")

His policies are wacky,
His face is so sad-sacky
He's just a Clinton lackey
It's the Kerry Candidacy!!!
(Da-da-da-dum. Da-da-da-dum-da-da-dum &etc)

With a lien that's on his house,
And money from his spouse
With high hopes that you can't douse, 
It's the Kerry Candidacy!!
(Da-da-da-dum. Da-da-da-dum-da-da-dum &etc)

Presumptive!
Adumbrative!
Consumptive!

You've no idea what it's costin'
This bony guy from Boston
The figures have been lost in
The Kerry Candidacy!!
(Da-da-da-dum. Da-da-da-dum-da-da-dum &etc)

The Polls are going to fall on
He's really cast a pall on
No need to start a recall on
Any Kerry Presidency!

This stuff just writes itself. 

He's just so nambly-pambly
With his explanation rambly
"That vehicle's owned by the family,
It's not my SUV"
(Da-da-da-dum. Da-da-da-dum-da-da-dum &etc)  

The media fawns per diem, 
Tho' his run was a pipe drea-um
Until Dean loosed that screa-um
The Kerry Candidacy!!

In Cambodia for Christmas
(To The Tune of "I'll be Home for Christmas")

In Cambodia for Christmas
Though I wasn't supposed to be
But, I know that this was so,
It's seared in my memory.

Christmas Eve, it found me
Paddling up foreign streams
Oh, I was in Cambodia,
But only in my dreams.

Ok, I wasn't there at Christmas.
But, won't you vote for me?
I will tax and spend your dough,
At last we'll have the "Great Society!"

Please, please get behind me,
According to the polls, it seems
I'll win the White House by Christmas,
But, only in my dreams.

"Camp Gitmo" To the Tune of "Camp Granada"

I was a mullah on a fatwah
Now I'm here at Gitmo Bay--Wah!
Camp is very entertaining
But they music that they play is very draining.

We're bombarded with this loud rap 
It's a lot of really foul crap.
Then, there's even Lynyrd Skinner
They play this stuff all night right after dinner.

Well, the food here, it's Okay-ay.
Culturally appropriate in every way
I don't know, but I've been told, here
we eat better than the average US soldier.

But, the temperature, it gets real hot
A big blast furnace 'round my cot 
Then, it turns so freezing cold,
You'd think I was a female fifty years old.

Now I don't want this should scare ya
I was dressed in women's underwear--yeah
And what makes me want to holler
Was the picture of a leash with that dog collar

Send me home, when can I go?
Send me home, how I hate Gitmo!
Please don't leave me here in this place
The way we're treated is just a disgrace.

Send me home, I promise not to fly planes
Or even blow up crowded commuter trains.
Oh, please don't make me stay.
How I hate this Gitmo Bay.

No more fatwahs for this mullah
If you believe that, then, you're fulla
Send me home, don't you dis me,
Oh, don't let that big interrogator hug and kiss me.

Well, today, we're learning to scuba
And the weather's great in Cuba
My attitude, it's getting better
So, Dickie Durbin, do disregard this letter.

Plame! To the tune of "Fame"

Baby, were it up to me
I'd return her anonymity
She's all over my TV set
Her story makes the MSM forget all the rest

I don't know if it's true
But, she was in Vanity
And in the undercover biz
Don't you know who she is?
Somebody leaked Val's name

Plame!
This story goes on for ever
I just can't understand why
The way it's coming together
Maybe it's another media lie
The libs are just in heaven
Hoping Bush and Rove to defame
This story goes on forever
Baby, I'm sick of this dame

Why bring all this to light? 
It's to discredit the Right,
The Left is going straight for the top
They want Rove, they're making it hot

They want Bush to burn
So while they play tough
What about the yellowcake?
Are those reports a fake?

Plame!
This story goes on for ever
I just can't understand why
The way it's coming together
Maybe it's another media lie
The libs are just in heaven
Hoping Bush and Rove to defame
This story goes on forever
Baby, I'm sick of this dame.

ID-No! (To the Tune of The Banana Boat Song --Day-o)

ID-No! ID-no!
Election come and we wanna go vote
ID-We say nay! We say nay! We say nay!
We say nay! We say ID-No!
Election come and we wanna go vote

Work all night roundin’ up some bums
Election come and we wanna go vote
Stacking votes till the morning comes
Election come and we wanna go vote

Come, Rev’rund Jackson Mon, rally the fanatics
Election come and we wanna go vote
Come, Rev’rund Jackson Mon, rally the fanatics
Election come and we wanna go vote

It's six votes, seven votes, eight votes, a mon!
Election come and we wanna go vote
Six votes, seven votes, eight votes, a mon!
Election come and we wanna go vote

ID, We say nay-ay-ay-o
Election come and we wanna go vote
ID, We say nay, We say nay, We say nay,
We say nay, We say nay
Election come and we wanna go vote

A big bunch of gripin’ dem fanatics
Election come and we wanna go vote
This disenfranchises the black electorate
Election come and we wanna go vote

It's six votes, seven votes, eight votes, a mon!
Election come and we wanna go vote
Six votes, seven votes, eight votes, a mon!
Election come and we wanna go vote

ID, we say Nay-ay-ay-o
Election come and we wanna go vote
ID, we say nay, he say nay, he say nay,
He say nay, he say nay
Election come and we wanna go vote

Come, Rev’rund Jackson Mon, rally the fanatics
Election come and we wanna go vote
Come, Rev’rund Jackson Mon, rally the fanatics
Election come and we wanna go vote

ID-No! ID-no!
Election come and we wanna go vote
ID-We say nay! We say nay! We say nay!
We say nay! We say ID-No!
Election come and we wanna go vote

Safe in the (ex)USSR (To the tune of "Back in the USSR")

Oh, this story was all over the TV
As you went to bed last night
Seven sailors stuck beneath the stormy sea
Man, it was a dreadful sight
We’re back in the USSR
And we know how lucky we are, boy
Safe in the (ex)USSR, yeah

Down there so long I turned blue in the face
I really longed to be back home 
While down there in that cramped place
They talked to us by phone
On land in the USSR
And we know how lucky we are, boy
Thanks to the US
Thanks to the UK
Safe in the USSR

Well this sorry state really knocks me out
The West saved our behind
Moscow’s policy makes me want to shout
Dying was on my my my my my my my my my mind
Oh, come on
Hu Hey Hu, hey, ah, yeah
yeah, yeah, yeah
We’re back in the USSR
And we know how lucky we are, boys
Safe in the USSR

Well this sorry state really knocks me out
The West saved our behind
Moscow’s policy makes me want to shout
Dying was on my my my my my my my my my mind

Oh, to our rescue those navies streaked
sailin’ way down south
Just before we bought the farm
Sent their Scorpio's to bring us out
Came to keep my comrades from harm
We’re back in the USSR
Hey, we do know how lucky we are, boy
Safe in the USSR

"We Almost Died in our Russian Submarine" - to the Tune of "Yellow Submarine"

  In Paplovask where I was born
I dreamt of sailing to the sea
So on land I left my wife
For a Russian submarine

At first sailing, was so fun
Of the sea, I felt so keen
Then we went beneath the waves
In our Russian submarine

We almost died in our Russian submarine,
Russian submarine, Russian submarine

We almost died in our Russian submarine,
Russian submarine, Russian submarine

My six friends were all aboard
One, a guy who lived next door
We all for land began to pray

We almost died in our Russian submarine,
Russian submarine, Russian submarine

We almost died in our Russian submarine,
Russian submarine, Russian submarine

We can live our life with ease
Since the Allies came to our need
Sky is blue and sea is green
Out of our Russian submarine.

We almost died in our Russian submarine,
Russian submarine, Russian submarine

We almost died in our Russian submarine,
Russian submarine, Russian submarine

We almost died in our Russian submarine,
Russian submarine, Russian submarine

We almost died in our Russian submarine,
Russian submarine, Russian submarine

"Cover up at Air America" --to the Tune of Neil Diamond's "America"

Fraud!

It’s a big stink’n Fraud
A Government loan
Never paid back, oh, Gawd!

Money!

To a private company
Not to the charity
Run by these folks
Makes me want to scream
This story caused me such pain

Cover-up at Air America!
I won’t trust them again
Cover-up at Air America!

Don’t worry, soon they’ll repay
Sure, maybe, just not today
It’s liberal pro form*
It’s liberal pro form

Spin, it’s become quite a race
What to say that will save their face
This fight’s now getting’ warm
This fight’s now gettin’ warm 

On the Net, the story swirled
Cover-up at Air America!
But not in the MSM’s world
Cover-up at Air America!

Had a dream to take market share
Cover up at Air America!! 

Kids and Seniors, beware!
Cover-up at Air America! 

Cover-up at Air America!

(Repeat, Repeat)

Repay, Repay, Repay, Repay, Repay

All funds were sent to the
Repay!
Big private company
Repay!
For kids, nothing!
Repay!
Seniors, nothing!
Repay!

"Live-Air America" Same Tune

Rescue!
We will save you
From that really bad loan
We’ve got lots to do!

Rally!
Let’s hold a rally!
We’ll huddle close
Hang on to the dream

Join us in this refrain:
We’ll save Air America!

Get the bands back again
It’s Live -Air America!

Ratings, aren’t our worry today
Bad thoughts, we’ve put away
The listeners will swarm
Once they hear us perform 

The Right tries hard to make a case
That this is some big disgrace   
What do they mean, anyway?
We’ll repay the funds someday. 

Everywhere ‘round the world
They're trashin’ Air America
Such unfair charges were hurled
We’ll rescue Air America 

Got a dream to take market share
We’re helpin’ Air America
Got a dream and feelings, We care!
It’s Live -Air America

It’s Live -Air America

We’ll save Air America
A benefit for Air America
Will help Air America
We’re rescuin’ Air America

Like Limericks? Look for these titles from Amazon:

Limericks : Too Gross/or Two Dozen Dirty Dozen Stanzas. Isaac Asimov

Improper Limericks. Robert W. Birch

Living, Loving, and Loathing; Modern Rhymes and Limericks for the Romantically Inclined and Humorously Correct. Michael Craig Daniels.

Enjoy the Grand Jury Testimony? You'll love:

Poetry Under Oath: From the Testimony of Willian Jefferson Clinton and Monica S. Lewinsky. Edited by Tom Simon.

The Tudor Times will accept your contributions for this page, with the understanding that you will never be paid, rarely given credit, and we will forward your limerick (if it's good enough) to everyone on our e-mail list.

Just surfed on in? Followed a link from somewhere? Click to visit The Tudor Times. "If you enjoy the fun, fashion and frolic of the English Renaissance, then you should be heading to this website."

www.tudortimes.com
Copyright © 1998.The Tudor Times. All rights reserved.
Revised: August 23, 2005.