Letters, We Get Letters:
Note: All letters below are from the Tudor Times Privy line, or Regular E-mail. The
writer's identity has been edited out to protect those who would not protect themselves.
These changes are in (bold italics), otherwise, the letters are
the originals.
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In a message dated 6/27/2003 2:27:18 PM Central Standard Time, (Deleted) writes:Love everything about your site except the music. Had to turn the sound off. Why an electronic pop-style trashing of Greensleeves? Why an electronic pop-style trashing of anything, for that matter? I'm a musician, so I know my standards may be higher, but yeesh!
I'll recommend your site to my friends, but with the "sound off" caveat.
Thanks,
(Deleted)
Textile Conservator
Medieval/Renaissance Musician
Wandering Wastrel
Well, then, I guess you and your high standards won't be listening to "Wait a minute Mr. Postman," which is now playing as an accompaniment to your letter. In answer to your burning questions, Why anything?
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Subj: Hi can you help me- No!!
Date: 11/15/2000 2:04:14 PM Eastern Standard Time
From: (Deleted)
To: Webmistress@tudortimes.com
I am a gcse drama student at the cottesloe school wing, Aylesbury.
We are doing a thearte and education peice on Henry the 8th and his time.
I was wondering if you had any pictures of the insides of poor and rich
houses and alsoo could you tell me where henry had his people beheaded.
I would bbe very greatful if you could help me.
Many thanks
(Deleted)
Hi, can you read? Sorry to be a grouch, but I can no longer respond to requests and questions. I really must do something about the warning.
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Subj: Education
Date: 11/1/2000 12:29:18 PM Eastern Standard Time
From: (Deleted)
To: Webmistress@tudortimes.com
Would it be possible for you to tell me what education children had in tudor
times
Sadly, kid, the education offered in the Tudor era seems at times little different from that of today. The average child in the Tudor period most likely would not be able to read and comprehend this warning:
Warning! The Tudor Times assumes that the visitor has a Highly Refined sense of Humor. (HRH) We Cannot be held responsible for bent noses, bunched panties, or fits of huffy indignation. Thank You. N.B.-NOTE WELL-This is the Tudor Times, NOT the Tutor Times. We do not help with homework.
But, at least here in the modern era, we have pretty good indoor plumbing and sanitary facilities, along with refrigeration.
Anyway, to answer your question – No.
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Also from the "Information is not intelligence" department, we present for your reading pleasure a series of emails from someone, somewhere who clearly could not read and follow instructions. I don’t know how I can make the disclaimer and clearer, but, I’ll try.
The letters cover the time period from 10/20 to 10/26, and except for the bold italics where personal info has been removed, the letters are untouched, caps, typos and all. Here goes:
Subj: can i have infomation about tudors please
Date: 10/20/2000 2:29:07 PM Eastern Daylight Time
hello my name is (deleted) and i live in (deleted) and in school we are doing something about tudors so i went to this website and i thought why dont i email you so can you please give me some infomation about the tudors that will be gratful
thankyou
from (deleted)
(email address deleted)
****
Subj: SOON AS POSSIBLE CAN YOU GIVE ME TUDOR INFOMATION PLEASE
Date: 10/20/2000 2:29:09 PM Eastern Daylight Time
HELLO MY NAME IS (DELETED) I WANT TO KNOW ABOUT TUDORS BECAUSE IAM LEARNING ABOUT IT PLEASE IF YOU CAN SEND ME SOME USEFUL INFOMATION THANKYOU
THAT WILL BE GRATEFUL
FROM (DELETED)
(email address deleted)
****
Subj: Tudor Times Privy Line
Date: 10/22/2000 1:33:52 PM Eastern Daylight Time
MessageType: Complaint
Subject: Web Site
SubjectOther:
Username: (deleted)
UserEmail: (deleted)
Date: 10/22/00
Time: 1:06:36 PM
Comments:
why dont you lot give infomation about tudors and talk about council and toilet paper please email back and give the reason
from (deleted)
email me on (deleted)
******
Subj: Tudor Times Privy Line
Date: 10/26/2000 11:42:51 AM Eastern Daylight Time
MessageType: Complaint
Subject: Web Site
SubjectOther:
Username: (DELETED)
UserEmail: (Deleted to spare you the agony of receiving email with statements like:
"Then, Go to the Library, you @ss")
Date: 10/26/00
Time: 11:09:30 AM
Comments:
DEAR PEOPLE IAM REALLY UP SET ABOUT THIS YOU DONT GIVE INFOMATION ABOUT TUDORS AND TALK ABOUT THE COUNCIL AND I NEED SOME HELP ABOUT TUDORS AND I HAVENT GOT ANY OTHER WEB SITES I COULD GO IN I THOUGHT IT MIGHT BE ABOUT TUDORS BUT IT WASENT ANYWAY PLEASE DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS
FROM (DELETED)
Yes, what I most likely will do is shut down the website very soon.
----
Praise from the Privy:
Subj: Tudor Times Privy Line
Date: 10/18/2000 2:22:46 AM Eastern Daylight Time
MessageType: Praise
Subject: Web Site
Comments:
The site is great and very informative.
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Subj: giant egg
Date: 10/9/2000 6:04:31 PM Eastern Daylight Time
To: Webmistress@tudortimes.com
Dear Madam,
the recipe for a giant egg on your site is _mine_ and _old_; please
delete the old version on your website and -- if you like to -- set a
link the version at:
http://staff-wwww.uni-marburg.de/~gloning/erez-01.htm
Best regards,
(deleted)
----
Whoops! A letter from the "Can’t let the prime mate see this" department:
"... I beseech you now with all my heart definitely to let me know your whole mind as to the love between us: for necessity compels me to plague you for a reply, having been for more than a year now struck by the dart of love, and being uncertain either of failure or of finding a place in your heart and affection, which point has certainly kept me for some time from naming you my mistress, since if you only love me with an ordinary love the name is not appropriate to you ... but if it pleases you to do the duty of a true, loyal mistress and friend, and to give yourself body and heart to me. I promise you that not only the name will be due to you, but also to take you as my sole mistress, casting off all others than yourself out of mind and affection and to serve you only..."
(giggle) Oh, alright, It’s taken from a letter from Hank 8
to some obstinate woman.
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This must be from the very kind person who left word on the discourse area:
Subj: Tudor Times Privy Line
Date: 9/29/2000 7:42:14 PM Eastern Daylight Time
MessageType: Praise
Subject: Web Site
Comments:
wonderful site, amazing, simply amazing
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Subj: Anne Boleyn
Date: 9/20/2000 2:41:55 PM Eastern Daylight Time
From: (Deleted)
To: Webmistress@tudortimes.com
What information can you tell me about Anne Boleyn?
Plenty, dude. She is one of those radical heavy metal chick rockers. Check it out.
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This really makes me sad. I swear, except for deleting the email address, it is completely untouched. You, know, what we really need in America is a taxpayer funded, public school system. I can see it now. Children could learn to read, write, do math, and it would be free!!!!! Well, you get what you pay for, I guess.
Subj: (no subject)
Date: 9/19/2000 2:40:17 PM Eastern Daylight Time
From: (Deleted)
To: Webmistress@tudortimes.com
hi im doing a projecy at school about the history of something can u help me
i dont know what to do
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Except for deleting the email address, I swear this is totally untouched. Anyone for home schooling?
Subj:
Date: 9/1/2000 1:24:32 PM Eastern Daylight Time
From: (Deleted)
To: Webmistress@tudortimes.com
hello i am a key stage 2 teacher,and i am starting to study the tudors,do u have and other web sites that is related to tudors,or any teacher training packs.
lyn.Please e-mail me at -
(Deleted email address)
thanks.
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Subj: Tudor Times Privy Line
Date: 8/23/2000 9:00:47 AM Eastern Daylight Time
MessageType: Praise
Subject: Web Site
SubjectOther:
Username: (Deleted)
UserEmail: (deleted)
Date: 8/23/00
Time: 9:07:20 AM
Comments:
This is one of the best sites on the Tudors I've ever visited. I'm a teacher in Brazil and I guess that once you are teaching teenagers, the best way to do it is with plenty of good humour.
Keep it on that way!
Great site really.
Congrats.
(Deleted)
***********************
To the Webmistress at home:
In a message dated 8/13/2000 1:31:21 PM Eastern Daylight Time, Ye Olde Webmastre writes:
Well we count on the Tudor Times as the ultimate arbiter of taste in the
latest trends of the 16th century.
You can quote me on that!
Ye Olde Webmastre
I will quote you. Of course, I would have said "arbitress", or "arbitratrix", but no matter, it’s still a lovely thing to write.
*****************************
Subj: Tudor Times Privy Line
Date: 7/11/2000 8:52:49 AM Eastern Daylight Time
MessageType: Problem
SubjectOther: French Armada (emphasis added)
Username: (deleted)
ContactRequested: ContactRequested
Date: 7/11/00
Time: 8:59:15 AM
Comments:
Could you please send us information about the problems king Henry VIII had with the king of France?
Thank you for your interest in the French Armada. This little known period (1796) has not been well publicized in the Renaissance literature . Many people simply focus on something called the "Spanish Armada", and miss out on some really fascinating facts.
Well, I’m not sure if Henry VIII considered this a problem, but one of his mistresses (who shall remain nameless at this time) was rumoured to have been the mistress of king of France (Francis I) as well. Trust me, the family of the lady in question considered it a big problem, particularly when the lady did not capitalize on her, ahem, position at both courts.
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Subj: Tudor banquets
Date: 6/28/2000 5:07:37 AM Eastern Daylight Time
From: (Deleted)
To: Webmistress@tudortimes.com
I was delighted to find your Tudor Times web site while I was preparing to host a Tudor banquet, in costume, at Sutton House in London. This is a preserved Tudor residence dating back to 1535, which has been restored by the National Trust. They hold a Tudor themed evening once or twice a year, complete with a historical menu, approriate old music and courtly dancing. The recipe section of your web site is of great interest to the chef, who intends to enhance his repetoire of dishes of the day (sorry about the pun). Tudor surfers in London, or visitors of course, may like to know that another Tudor banquet is planned for November 25th 2000, and I will send your more details nearer the time.
Best wishes,
(Deleted)
Thanks for visiting. I’ll try to do a bit better on the recipes, then.
Well, as the theme song from the old American TV show "Maverick" once said every week, "Have pun, will travel, reads the card of a man, a knight without armour in a savage land". Oh, wait, maybe that’s, "Have gun, will travel". I laughed when I read your pun, I laughed when someone explained that "repertoire" also means "table", and I know I’ll laugh again should I understand any of this.
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Subj: Tudor Times Privy Line
Date: 6/14/2000 4:41:54 PM Eastern Daylight Time
MessageType: Suggestion
Subject: Web Site
Date: 6/14/00
Comments:
I'm of Brazil. I work with Ancient and Midle Ages in the Federal University of Paraná - UFPR. I'm like receive more information about your research work. We have a Homepage in the adress:
www.geocities.com/Athens/Academy/9062.
Bye. (Deleted)
Amigo, no hacemos ninguna investigación que apesta en los tiempos de Tudor.
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Subj: Tudor Times Privy Line
Date: 6/11/2000 2:24:40 PM Eastern Daylight Time
MessageType: Praise
Subject: Web Site
Date: 6/11/00
Comments:
Very bizzare links but very interesting. Wheres the actual indepth History??
In depth history??? (giggle)
See above—we don’t do no stinking research, here in the Times of Tudor.
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Date: 5/28/2000 3:34:26 AM Eastern Daylight Time
To: Webmistress@tudortimes.com
Dear Web mistress I am entering a competition and the question is
What sort of fish did the Tudors know as a Squary scad?
I would really appreciate any help in locating the answer or maybe you know
the answer.
Thankyou in anticipation the prize is a cooking course in the countryside of
the UK and I would love to win it.
My email address is (deleted)
(deleted)
Thank you for your question. I would love to win such a prize as well. So, I'll be submitting my answer shortly.
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Subj: TUDOR SPORTS
Date: 5/21/2000 2:18:39 PM Eastern Daylight Time
To: Webmistress@tudortimes.com
COULD YOU HELP ME WITH INFORMATION ON THE SPORTS THAT WERE PLAYED DURING TUDOR TIMES
MANY THANKS
Thank you for visiting the Tudor Times website, and for writing to us. The Tudor Times is not a serious or scholarly website, and we do not help with home work.
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Here's another totally uncut, and unsolicited message from the vastness of cyberspace. Capital "S" with a hit, when I saw the Subject line, I thought they wanted to syndicate me! Bummer.
Subj: Syndication
Date: 5/19/2000 6:22:44 AM Eastern Daylight Time
To: Webmistress@tudortimes.com
Sir/Madam,
How can a quality website like yours further enhance its contents to maintain the cutting edge over other dot coms? Glad you asked. This is where Design Expo Network Pvt Ltd steps in.
The dynamic portal of Design Expo, www.sawaal.com is a rapidly growing Indianised site. We provide quality products such as hourly news updates, exclusive interviews of national politicians, corporate leaders and social figures, and Columns by Experts in their respective fields. It would please you to know that all this content is now available for syndication to a few select clients. You have been identified by our research team as one of these potential clients.
Syndicating material from sawaal.com will help you extend the reach of your brand name to the far corners of the World Wide Web and increase the number of visitors to your site. Your stories can have more impact and a longer shelf life. It would also mean presenting a fresh perspective and more variety to the users of your site.
Noted columnists such as Raju Bist (Former Assistant Editor at Business India), Arun Lal (Former Indian cricketer), Pratap Thorat (noted journalist), Harish Nambiar (Senior Journalist), Dr. Rajan Bhonsale (Famous Sexologist) and Wg Cdr. RV Parasnis (Retd) regularly present exclusive expert commentaries on www.sawaal.com.
The features section carries articles on issues such as Lifestyle, Women, Mystery Zone, Crime, Rasoi and Bollywood Talk.
You may avail of the material on our site via syndication after an agreement to that effect has been signed by both parties. If you wish to employ our services in this respect, do let us know. We can then work out the details of the agreement as well as the Terms & Conditions.
Do get back to us with your feedback.
Thanks and regards,
(Deleted)
Excuse me, we Boleyns have always been on the "cutting edge". We don’t need no stinkin’ syndicated columnists in the pages of the Tudor Times. Excepting of course, Herself, the Webmistress.
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Subj: Tudor Times
Date: 5/9/2000 2:38:27 PM Eastern Daylight Time
To: Webmistress@tudortimes.com
My name is (deleted) and I am 10 years old. We are making a Tudor booklet with Tudor furniture in it at school - like a magazine. I can't find any web sites with pictures of Tudor furniture in them - can you help please?
Thank you for visiting the Tudor Times website, and for writing to us. The Tudor Times is not a serious or scholarly website, and we do not help with home work.
Here are some websites to try:
http://www.furninfo.com/salesed/styletudor.html
http://www.llsams.com/lights/tudor.htm
http://www-st.towson.edu/~ainoue1/European.html
http://moas.atlantia.org/topics/wood.htm -- this last one is just links to other sites, but the sites could possibly contain some more pictures.
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Subj: Re: Tudor Times Query re: Tudor Furniture.
Date: 5/10/2000 4:20:29 PM Eastern Daylight Time
Thank you very much Webmistress. I have found some more information to add
to my project.
Well, what a charming child you are. Notice that our UK cousins maintain the basic forms of civility, whilst using new technology.
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Subj: Tudor Times Privy Line
Date: 5/7/2000 5:52:24 AM Eastern Daylight Time
MessageType: Praise
Subject: Web Site
Comments:
This is the best site I've come across and I love the music, by the way-my week-end started badly yesterday, but you've cheered me up!
Mistress Middleton of Oakeley (formerly known as Snakescroft), Bishop's Castle, shropshire. Always interested in Tudor Times, serious or otherwise
Very glad to know we could be of help.
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The Webmistress stands corrected.
Subj: Dragonmead
Date: 4/17/2000 7:58:03 PM Eastern Daylight Time
To: Webmistress@tudortimes.com
We read in the Tavern reviews about Dragonmead. The link you list for their
website is not the official website of Dragonmead. The site is
Well, honestly now, what do you realistically expect for free? And, no reciprocal link? It’s a tough old world, you know.
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Subj: Tudor Times Privy Line
Date: 4/17/2000 3:49:33 PM Eastern Daylight Time
MessageType: Praise
Subject: Web Site
Date: 4/17/00
Time: 3:54:38 PM
Comments:
I think your wb sight is great. I find it both humorous and interesting. I also find it helpful for my Rennaissance class. Thanx (name deleted)
Well, I can’t imagine how it’s been helpful, but Thank You.
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Subj:
Date: 3/11/2000 8:30:48 AM Eastern Standard Time
From: editor@butenews.co.uk (Bute News)
To: Webmistress@tudortimes.com
Hello from Scotland UK,
Great concept and great content as well. So I have linked it to my 'local
paper':
http://lightning.prohosting.com/~butenews/
Your link is at:
http://lightning.prohosting.com/~butenews/butelinks.html
All the best,
The Editor
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Subj: Nice 1
Date: 3/5/2000 11:00:56 AM Eastern Standard Time
To: Webmistress@tudortimes.com
Wicked site, well put together and good fun.
After browsing loads of other boring sites for some info, i came across your site and suddenly everthing became interesting!
By the way could you send me the midi file for the 'another 1 bites the dust' please!
Also how do you manage to get the warning box up when the page first loads? I've been trying to do that for ages.
Keep up the good work
Sure, giving out source codes and other proprietary secrets from NCS are but a small price to pay for such flattering words.
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Subj: historical pewter replicas
Date: 3/5/2000 3:30:07 PM Eastern Standard Time
To: Webmistress@tudortimes.com
hi, please visit my site www.pewterreplicas.co.uk as it is devoted to replicas from the medieval, tudor and stuart periods.
These are very nicely done. My particular favorite is the Tudor rose choker. Do you take Amazon.uk gift certificates?
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Subj: PROJECT
Date: 2/27/2000 7:50:46 AM Eastern Standard Time
From: (deleted)
To: Webmistress@tudortimes.com
WHAT KIND OF CLOTHS DID THE TUDOR MONARCHS WEAR .
PLEASE REPLEY SOON PLEASEEEEEEEE!!!
Yes, those cloths were generally velvet and silk. Hope this helps.
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Subj: education in tudor times
Date: 2/13/2000 1:03:17 PM Eastern Standard Time
To: Webmistress@tudortimes.com
my son has a essay to prepare on education and children in tudor times any help apreciated p/s he is 10
Yes, the Tudor Times website is but one reason why parents should monitor their children's internet experiences. However, we are very proud of our presidential limericks.
The Tudor Times is not a scholarly site, and we are not much in the way of homework help. Here are a few sites that may be more suitable:
http://atschool.eduweb.co.uk/nettsch/time/tudors.html
http://www.bbc.co.uk/plsql/education/webguide/pkg_main.p_home
http://www.celtica.wales.com/addysg/cwricwlwm/index.english.html
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Praise from the newly Y2K compliant Privy Line:
Subj: Tudor Times Privy Line
Date: 1/18/2000 3:42:36 PM Eastern Standard Time
MessageType: Praise
Subject: Web Site
A most entertaining and informative website. I wish I had known of it last year when I cooked my first 12th Night feast for 500. Keep up the goode work.
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Subj: Medieval Weddings
Date: 1/20/2000 2:01:15 AM Eastern Standard Time
To: Webmistress@tudortimes.com
Hello, my name is (Deleted). I am trying my hardest to plan a Medieval Wedding.
I was wondering if you know of any Medieval Wedding Guides. I've looked
everywhere and I was hoping you might have some suggestions. My email
address is (Deleted). Thank you very much.
Of course we have some wedding suggestions. They are not very good ones, but here they are:
- Whenever possible, marry the eldest son of a wealthy family. The younger sons might be cute, and all, but they are not likely to inherit much, and may even be promised to a life of service in the Church.
- It’s really no big deal if you are preggers prior to the big day. Priests are in short supply, and often have many miles to cover. They’ll be around eventually to perform the ceremony.
- However, be sure that you have "plighted your troth" properly prior to doing anything without the benefit of clergy.
- The bride’s family is responsible for providing a dowry as well as paying for all the festivities. Of course, if you were a winner in our "Who wants to marry a Prince?" contest, you can count on an all-expense paid service, and maybe, a coronation to boot. You should, of course, be heavy with child, and the more competent soothsayers must verify it to be a male. Unless the dude is desperate for a son, you will still expected to come up with a suitable dowry, such as a substantial interest in a foreign kingdom.
- On a tight budget? Invite Pieter Bruegel to your service. He may do the portraits for free if you feed him.
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Letter to the Editor::
<< Could you please, please tell me who, in the 16th Century, argued that all prospective partners should inspect each other before entering into a binding contract?
>>
I think it was that prolific and insightful writer, A. Nonymus, who also said, "Marriage isn't a word, it's a sentence".
Sorry, I don't have the answer. But, the Marquis de Luc de Clapiers Vauvenargues said, "The heaviest object in the world is the body of the woman you have ceased to love".
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Subj: QUERY
Date: 11/9/1999 5:25:12 PM Eastern Standard Time
From: (deleted)
Reply-to: (deleted)
To: Webmistress@tudortimes.com
I am looking for the words to:
THE KING'S CASTRATION
can you help??
Um, help with what? The Webmistress abhors the initiation of violence. Oh, wait, I see--help you in your search for the words to the above entitled song. Very Sorry, I'm not familiar with such a tune. But, if I should ever come across the lyrics, I'll put them in the Tudor Times 300 Bawd Club--seems like a good fit.
Update: Our search fairies have found this!! It's a poem. Look for the link soon in the 300 Bawd.
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From the Tudor Times Privy Line: MessageType: PraiseContactRequested: ContactRequested
Date: 11/9/99
Time: 2:38:39 PM
Comments:
I stumbled upon your website, TudorTimes, and it was definately
the most delightful website I've seen in a very long time! Thank
you for brightening my day! (And believe me, it's been a day!)
I'm the asst. royal court director with the Michigan Renaissance
Festival, so I was so pleased to see the variety of things/info you
provided...again thanks! I'll be telling alot of people about your site!
Glad to know the Times has brightened up your day.
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Subj: shakespeare
Date: 11/2/1999 7:48:22 AM Eastern Standard Time
From: (Deleted)
To: mboleyn@aol.com
To who ever you are,
A few days ago you sent some information on Shakespeare to someone I know
called (Deleted) ,and I was wondering if you could send
something to me. I would like Shakespeare's Family Tree since as long as
you can go back to.
My home e-mail address is (Deleted)
or my school address is (Deleted)
My dear whomever you are:
I do not have that information available. Very Sorry.
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Date: 11/1/1999 8:04:51 AM Eastern Standard Time
From: (Deleted)
To: Webmistress@tudortimes.com
I was wondering about entertainment in the Tudor times and could not find
anything adout it. Please could you mail me some info at (Deleted)
Cheers!
Ah, yes, entertainment--well, aside from plucking out rotten teeth, picking lice, scratching the codware, many other opportunities for fun existed in the Tudor Times. Hangings and beheadings, for example. Now, that's entertainment.
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Subj: Canes and Humour
Date: 10/31/1999 6:03:28 PM Eastern Standard Time
From: (Deleted)
To: Webmistress@tudortimes.com
Hail fellow, well met.
Thou art indeed fortunate for me to have stumbled on thee...
Thou should knoweth that my store is probably the largest
seller of walking sticks, canes and staves both antique and
contemporary in the whole of christendom.
List ye well, for repeateth this i shall not.
3000 canes and sticks in one place with expert knowledge, repartee,
advice and charm.
Our motto. We shall not cease, whilst a monarch reigns
To Tell the world of our fine canes.
I am a scribe of a modest nature within the world of radio, and this
period is not totally unknown to me. Indeed, by a wondrous coincidence
I have recently prepared a script, hot off the quill, perusing the unknown
life and times of William Shakespeare, I addeth this information to tempt ye
and fire thee with envy. For I wearest two caps
(Deleted)
Ye olde walking stick shop
(Address & Telephone Deleted--we have limits to our free adverts)
http://www.walkingstickshop.co.uk
Yes, at times, even I can scarcely believe my good fortune, and the depths of mine envious nature. Your script sounds very intriguing. Thank you for stopping by the Tudor Times.
---------------------------------
Subj: Tudor Times Privy Line
Date: 10/30/1999 5:00:56 PM Eastern Standard Time
MessageType: Problem
Subject: (Other)
SubjectOther: Courgettes
Comments:
Greetings Postmistress!
A good friend, who I had better not mention, said you were the person to settle an argument - one way or another. This friend, he said that the Elizabethans were carried around in courgettes and I said that was just plain crazy as courgettes are sleeping cabins on French trains. Then the landlord butted in, don't they always do that, and said it was a vegitable - well he should know I guess. What do you think?
(Name Deleted)
No, courgettes are the primo sports cars from the Chevrolet line. (Postmistress?!?)
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Subj: Tudor Times Privy Line
Date: 10/12/1999 8:19:10 PM Eastern Daylight Time
MessageType: Suggestion
Subject: Web Site
ContactRequested: ContactRequested
Comments:
Perhaps you could do an "Ask Henry VIII" etc. advice page - asking various different Tudors for advice i.e. dating ettiquette with Henry VIII; how to deal with the in-laws with...well, any of them, really.
Hm. Dating etiquette…just how does one go about dating the sister of one of your former mistresses behind your wife’s back? Interesting…
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Subj: Shakespeare project
Date: 10/4/1999 3:01:22 PM Eastern Daylight Time
From: (deleted)
To: Webmistress@tudortimes.com
I am a (person) who is doing a project on Shakespeare and I have been asked to find out about Tudor actors.Do you know any good websites? P.S Your website is BRILLIANT!
O Fawning Flatterer!… Thou flattering rascal…You cram these words into mine ears against the stomach of my sense. What? Oh, sorry. Of course, we’re always glad to help with homework. Click here for a sample.
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Subj: Help! Very very urgent!
Date: 9/26/1999 7:12:37 AM Eastern Daylight Time
From: (deleted)
To: Webmistress@tudortimes.com
Dear Tudortimes
I need your help!
My eight year old brother needs to do some homework about Tudors!
He needs to write 10 facts!
I would be very greatful if you could e-mail me back 10 facts about Tudors.
Thank You very much!
Could you e-mail me back before Monday 27th September 1999 as this is his deadline.
Thank You
(deleted)
E-mail: (deleted)
The Tudor Times is so pleased to see a sister helping out her baby brother, probably for free. Here are some facts:
The Tudors rarely bathed, so they smelled to high Heaven. They carried around little pomanders to sniff. Like that would help.
The preferred floor covering in many homes was straw. This would hide a multitude of surprises, like dog urine, human vomit, and so forth.
Pestilence and plague were of grave concern to people of the Tudor Times. Whoa, did this have anything to do with the facts above? Nah, simple coincidence.
People did not commonly use forks, and they used their dogs for napkins.
Only rich people ate white bread. Poor people ate things like root vegetables and black bread.
Everyone drank beer, even at breakfast. This helped with the smells. Well, Ok, except for when you barf from the beer.
Henry VIII married six times. He had several mistresses, some of whom, he married. Why buy the cow if the milk is being delivered?
Henry VIII wanted a legitimate son, that’s why. He desperately needed to secure the succession.
Elizabeth, his daughter with Anne Boleyn, was the longest reigning monarch in the Tudor dynasty. She has had the most movies made about her. Actresses such as Bette Davis, Glenn Close and Cate Blanchett have portrayed Elizabeth I on the big screen.
Movies with Tudor style costumes have traditionally done very well at the Oscars. They are stunning articles of clothing.
Hope this helped.
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Subj: Are you the Webmaster for this site?
Date: 9/21/1999 8:05:24 PM Eastern Daylight Time
To: Webmistress@tudortimes.com
Hi,
May I send you information about (a product from a company that does not advertise with TT)
(More hype) And anyone can learn how to use it.
If you'd like more free information about (this product)
by email, please reply.
Thank you very much for your consideration,
(Deleted)
Let’s see, I click on email that says, "Webmistress@…", then I begin my sales pitch by asking if the recipient is the Webmaster. Hmmm. I loved Cate Blanchett’s line from Elizabeth, the Movie (it’s much more affordable, now) , "I’ll have but one (web)mistress here, and no master!"
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Date: 9/19/1999 2:58:59 AM Eastern Daylight Time
To: Webmistress@tudortimes.com
(message deleted, as it would tend to identify the sender)
P.S. Please don't tell anyone with the Richard III Society I was here!
Wouldn’t dream of it, your secret’s safe with me.
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Subj: ta for the link
Date: 9/15/1999 9:50:21 AM Eastern Daylight Time
From: (Curator at the Mary Rose Trust)
To: Webmistress@tudortimes.com
Thanks for the link to the Mary Rose site :-) Loved your site - brightened
up my afternoon a treat - will be putting a link into your site as soon as
this e-mail is sent.
"Cheers" to you as well. Thanks for the kind words. And, my best thanks for the link.
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Subj: I Love Your Site!!!
Date: 9/14/1999 4:49:03 PM Eastern Daylight Time
To: Webmistress@tudortimes.com
Just wanted to send you kudos for a site well done. Truly one of the most
interesting things to look at while I am goofing off at my day job!!
Thanks. Updating the Tudor Times is truly one of the most interesting things I do at the NCS job. Ok, except for picking up the carry out orders.
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Subj: Please add link for Owain Phyfe
Date: 8/31/1999 10:16:13 PM Eastern Daylight Time
To: Webmistress@tudortimes.com
I see you already have reviews of Owain Phyfe's work on
http://www.tudortimes.com/nwrb.htm
Please add links to the new fan website http://www.owainphyfe.com
We already have a link back to your website.
Ye Olde Webmaster
Owain Phyfe Appreciative Listener Society (OPALS)
Done. Someday, soon, I'll get around to finishing the reviews.
------------------
Fat Boy weighs in once again:
Subj: Re: The Tudor Times website Art.com affiliate -- www.tudortimes.com
Date: 6/25/1999 4:27:48 PM Eastern Daylight Time
From: MontyB@NCSOFTWARE.COM (MontyB)
To: MBoleyn@AOL.COM
Maggie:
I suggest you strive for purity of purpose. If you continue doing what you
have been, may I humbly offer this advice:
Register the domain name: BANNERWHORE.COM
Advertise that you will place any paying link to any site, regardless of
content. Those advertisers offering the highest payrate per click will
appear nearer to the top of the page.
"Just remember to tell them, 'I saw your ad on BANNERWHORE.COM!'"
Yuk, yuk, yuk. Hey, it could work.
Fat Boy’s Reply: Not on MY bandwidth!
-----------------------------------------
Subj:
Date: 6/23/1999 8:54:08 AM Eastern Daylight Time
From: (deleted)
To: Webmistress@tudortimes.com
Dear Sirs,
I have to do this project in history class and it is about the Tudors. I
would be very greatful if you could e-mail me with some information.
(email deleted)
yours sincerly
(deleted)
SIRS? SIRS? To paraphrase Cate Blanchett in Elizabeth the Movie: "I’ll have but one Web-Mistress here, and no Master!!!"
What was your question? Oh, yes--
Listen, kid, this is the TUDOR Times, not the TUTOR times, grow up. Or else, send your credit card information with your next request.
************************************************************************
The Boleyns eagerly embrace the new technology of the Internet, and of electronic mail, in order to keep in close touch with loved ones and family members:
Subj: Fw: [NIC-] Registration TUDORTIMES.COM
Date: 6/20/1999 1:02:41 PM Eastern Daylight Time
From: MontyB@NCSOFTWARE.COM (MontyB)
To: maggieb@metrobusiness.com (Maggie Boleyn)
Maggie:
the Internic wants more money for TT...
Gosh, they want money every single week, lately, don’t they? Well, of course, I’ll give you a check right away. I’ll pay you for next week’s fees as well.
*******
MessageType: Praise
Subject: Web Site
SubjectOther:
Username: (deleted)
UserEmail: (deleted)
UserTel: (deleted)
UserFAX:
ContactRequested: ContactRequested
Date: 6/19/99
Time: 11:28:50 PM
Comments:
I am a first time visitor and i find your web site quite informative, as i belive my mind is part Tudor itself. I adore all things Tudor and your site just helps with my quest at learning more about the time. Also i would like to know if you sell Tudor period attire.
Thank you for your remarks. We do not sell period clothing from this website. Please visit our Webrings page to find many people that do.
---------
From the Tudor Times Privy Line
Date: 5/23/1999 1:30:35 PM Eastern Daylight Time
MessageType: Suggestion
Subject: Web Site
Username: (Deleted)
UserEmail: (Deleted)
Comments:
Are you signed, joined, a part of, (sigh, I do not know the term...) any way, are you with the Ren and Mid. webrings. I check your web site from time to time, but rarely do I find it with a web ring...
Our Webrings are located on a separate page. We have put a link on the front page pointing to the Webrings. The link reads "Our Webrings, Continue your Journey Here". I will try to make this clearer in a future update. (Yep, just as soon as I figure out how I can) Sorry for any confusion or inconvenience.
-------------------------
Subj: Questions
Date: 5/9/1999 6:07:18 PM Eastern Daylight Time
From: (deleted)
To: Webmistress@tudortimes.com
My son took a copy of the details on your web pages to school to show his
teacher. They have come back with the following:
1) Do you have any info on the discussion between Henry VIII and the Pope
about divorce?
2) Do you have any details about costumes of the time?
3) Do you have any indepth help about explorers so the time especially Drake?
If you have info on further web sites to visit it would also be helpful
Thanks
(deleted)
Oooh, sorry, you’ve reached the Tudor Times, not the Tutor Times. We are a lighthearted look at the period from 1485-1603, and not scholarly. We do plan a summer style series, though. Of course, the reporting will be just what you’ve come to expect from the Tudor Times.
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Subj: Web Page Link
Date: 3/21/1999 3:12:38 AM Eastern Standard Time
To: Webmistress@tudortimes.com
I am a history student taking an online medieval history course. My class
searched the web to put together an extensive internet course web book of
sites covering the entire period. I know that your web page is specifically
about Tudor Times, but I thought you might be interested in our web book,
and I was wondering if you would consider taking a look at it and consider
adding a link to it. Our web book is at:
<http://www.omnibusol.com/medieval.html>
Consider it done. Thank you for your link and comment: "Humor waiting for you around every corner! Extraordinary site."
-------
Fat Boy weighs in:
Subj: Re: Web Page Link
Date: 3/21/1999 9:02:47 AM Eastern Standard Time
From: MontyB@NCSOFTWARE.COM (MontyB)
To: MBoleyn@aol.com
I believe the TT policy should be: "Pay Now, Link Now."
"Humor waiting for you around every corner! Extraordinary site.", I can’t afford to buy testimonials like that!
--------
Subj: help
Date: 3/21/1999 9:03:20 AM Eastern Standard Time
From: (Deleted)
To: Webmistress@tudortimes.com
hello io have thuis esssay due in soon on mary tudor could you please send me some info ooon her either at (Deleted) or (Deleted) tank yuo
very much
(Name deleted)
--------
Another (almost) untouched message to the Webmistress:
Subj: ?????????
Date: 3/15/1999 5:30:52 AM Eastern Standard Time
To: Webmistress@tudortimes.com
hello im doing an assignment on this stuff and i was just wondering who did
the tudor fight in the war of the roses
thanks if you can help
(screen name deleted)
Yes, that was Tom Hanks under the direction of Steven Speilberg.
p.s like the review about the jester
Yes, that was Fat Boy himself. I don’t play with his websites. Well, except for not telling him in a timely manner that the NCS site was going to roll to 10,000 when we were only using 4 digits in the hit counter. It was kinda fun to see "You are visitor 0003" .
-------
TO THE WEBMISTRESS:
3/7/1999
Hello,
Firstly fair damsel, let me say thanks for a very entertaining web site. I found it whilst doing some 'research' for my 11 year old sons history project. The concept of a newspaper is excellent and one we may just borrow, if its OK with you.
As you seem to be quite well immersed in Tudor history, do you know of any other web sites which might contain useful information to assist in our quest for a grade A+ mark?
(I knew there was a catch here somewhere in all this flattery)
----------
From the Tudor Times Privy Line:
March 6, 1999
Mistress Boleyn!
Thank you for such a fun and functional site on the Tudor Period. I laughed out loud at the Queen's music to begin this delightful journey.
How strange that just last evening I made a replica of the "B" necklace Anne wears in the painting behind you! Please visit Parrish Relics at www.wildmuse.net/parrish if you would like to browse my realm
----------
FROM THE FOLGER SHAKESPEARE LIBRARY:
Date: 3/4/1999 1:49:33 PM Eastern Standard Time
Hey, Maggie!
Great web site, I enjoy browsing it occasionally. Have you won any awards? You deserve to. One tiny quibble: you refer to the Folger Museum, and since we are known as the Folger Shakespeare Library or Folger Library this might confuse folks.
Very sorry, I'll take care of it right away.
----------------
From the Tudor Times Privy Line:
MessageType: Suggestion
Subject: Web Site
Date: 2/20/99
Time: 4:40:51 PM
Comments:
Do more!!!! PLEASE!
You know, I hear that exhortation a lot, just not in connection with the Web Site. Thank you for your comment.
--------------
P
raise from the Tudor Times Privy Line:Date: 2/7/1999 8:37:03 PM Eastern Standard Time
First visit; laughed my head off (sorry) at the limericks and stories. Also enjoyed the helpful hints. I'll definitely be back. My daughter will as well; her research paper is on Elizabeth I. Keep up the hilarity!
Glad to hear you enjoyed the site and hope you will soon be heading back.
------------------
Subj: Tudor Education
Date: 1/30/1999 7:58:43 PM Eastern Standard Time
To: Webmistress@tudortimes.com
Does anyone know anything on the Tudor educational system. I need some
info from an English project
Sure, just let me know what project it was, and I’ll be glad to help.
------------------
From e-mail:
Date: 12/20/1998 9:53:17 PM Eastern Standard Time
I checked out your Tudor Times stuff; I think it's GREAT. I was a history
major, with a focus on British history so my interest level was of course
peaked. Also, the timing in your humour made me smile (although I'll deny
it if you tell anyone!)
We wouldn’t dream of telling a soul. We wouldn’t want any fits of pique.
------------------
To: Webmistress@tudortimes.com
hi Iam asking you to email me some writing and pictures from 1500 to 1998
about henry 8thand bloody mary and edward and queen elizabeth and the tudor
village and bits about them and how they died please e-mail me on
(removed) i would be thankful if it would be on my
e-mail by friday please i will write back soon
thanks
(Name withheld)
----------------
Subj: PLEASE READ!! ITS SUPER IMPORTANT
Date: 11/22/1998 2:12:09 PM Eastern Standard Time
From: (The Great White North-.ca)
To: Webmistress@tudortimes.com
hi, my name's (unimportant) and I went to your page looking for some
information on Elizabethian times (Tudor) and the Female Roles back
then. Im a massive procrastonater and I have this project due tomarrow.
If you could e-mail me back and give me some very much needed
information, that would be GREAT!! Thank you so much!
(Name Omitted)
www.tudortimes.com
Copyright © 1998.The Tudor Times. All rights reserved.
Revised: July 16, 2003.