Wife No 5

In celebration of the Wedding of Henry VIII and Kathryn Howard

In yet another of those rare scenes that only the Tudor Times seems privy to, our scribes report on the wedding of Henry Tudor and Kathryn Howard:

Today, serial husband Henry Tudor wed Kathryn Howard, niece of the Duke of Norfolk. To mark the occasion, the King himself penned this song.

Ladies and Lords, this is Wife Number 5!
One, two, three, four, five
Everybody in the palace, come meet my bride!
A rose with no thorn. Around the court the boys say
she's a virgin, and full of juice. Good, I really don't wanna
wife like I had last week.
I must stay deep ‘cause talk is cheap
I like Janie, Nan, Kate and Margarita
And as I continue y' know they’re getting sweeter
So what can I do I really beg and you my Lord
To me flirting it's just like sport
anything fly It's all good let me dump it
Now, send in the strumpet!
Refrain
A little bit of Catherine in my life
A little bit of Janie by my side
A little bit of Katie is all I need
A little bit of Nan is what I see
A little bit of Madge out in the sun
A little bit of Mary all night long
A little bit of Bessie's just the thing
A little bit of you makes me your King

After wedding festivities were lively. Reminiscent of his dance at the wedding of his older brother, King Henry threw off his coat and began to lead the startled wedding guests in a dance, whilst calling out these instructions:
"And jump up and down go move it all around
Shake your head to the sound Put your hand on the ground
Take one step left And one step right
On to the front and one to the side
Clap your hands once
And clap your hands twice
And if it looks like this Then you are doing it right."
Refrain
A little bit of Catherine in my life
A little bit of Janie by my side
A little bit of Katie is all I need
A little bit of Nan is what I see
A little bit of Madge out in the sun
A little bit of Mary all night long
A little bit of Bessie's just the thing
A little bit of you makes me your King

"She's my rose with no thorn, sure as I'm born," the happy monarch formerly known as the Prince of Wales said with a huge smile. "It's a ball!! I've fallen in love with her, it's true. She can't run, and she can't hide. Me and her gonna touch the sky!!" With that, the gladsome groom repeated the Refrain to his new song, and danced Ms Howard towards the Royal Chambers.

Get the Real Story:
Henry the VIII and his Queens
The Rose Without a Thorn (fiction)

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