Shakespeare

Much Ado About Nothing?
New Playwright Panders to Prevalent Profane Preferences

To be, or not to be; that is the question surrounding the wannabe boffo box office Bard, William Shakespeare.

Controversy as hot as a blazing fire burns round this writer. While approximately ten percent of Londoners attend thespian performances, most prefer time tested entertainment such as cock fights and bear baiting. Those that do attend the theatre have plenty to say about the experience.

A noted critic called A Midsummer Night's Dream, "the most insipid, ridiculous play that ever I saw in my life," It seems that this Shakespeare fellow shamelessly caters to the common taste for humor, violence, and sexual innuendo - “It’s a real coarsening of our culture," lamented another observer.

Shakespeare constantly makes sport of the English language, creating double entendres, puns, and, of course, sexual innuendo. Overt rhymes, shared lines, “aural tricks of assonance” and alliteration are all employed by this crafty rhapsodist. “The Dude even makes up a bunch of the words!”, exclaimed another irate play-goer.

However, for all his skill in manipulating the language and for all his exploitation of human emotions, to say nothing of his sexual preoccupation, the press has stopped short of dubbing him “Slick Willie”.

Where will it all end? This surely is a steady slide down a slippery slope into cultural crud. Some say this so-called Bard should heed his own instructions: “O, reform it altogether!”

Or, not. In a rare personal statement to the press, Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth, cast a cold eye on our reporter, and said, “I like him.” (Shakespeare, not our own scrappy scribe) Unanswered was the question of how much of the theatre proceeds from Will’s plays are finding their way into Palace coffers. Informed sources have termed it an “outrageous fortune”.

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